I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Posted on March 30, 2018
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Condoms, Drugs, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Manhattan, More museums, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museums, On Cell, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rape, Sex, Venues, Violence, Williamsburg, Yuppies

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Posted on March 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brothers, Chinese, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Illness, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I’m Thankful for My Family

Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares!

–Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Michael Barthel

Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking.

–F train

Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year.

–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Scott Hoffman

Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…”

–A train

Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat.

–Fine Fair, Avenue C

Overheard by: Catechist

Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we?

–6 train

Overheard by: Chris Mohney

Posted on January 19, 2018
Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Family Ties, Food, Gifts, Insults, Kids, Parents, School and studying, Shopping, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Just Back from a Tour as a Guantanamo Interrogator

Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I’m not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I am not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy, screaming: I am not the mommy!

–Little Italy grocery

Overheard by: should i be taking parenting notes?

Posted on January 2, 2018
Boys, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, Parents, Talking/Convos, Violence

Because She Knew How to Behave Like a Lady.

Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah… Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.

–1 Train

Posted on October 27, 2017
Advice, Cars and Driving, Gender issues, Guys, On the Subway, Smoking, Violence, Weapons

Christianity, Everybody’s Favorite S&M Religion

Guy to girlfriend, watching Easter Passion procession, complete with Christ carrying cross: Oh my god, they’re whipping him! That’s great, that’s brilliant… I love this neighborhood.

–12th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Porkido

Posted on September 30, 2017
Default, Guys, Holidays, Jesus, Street, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Braincurve

Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Central Park

Posted on July 31, 2017
Anger Management, Assholes, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Relationships, Sex, Shoot, Street, Thugs, Violence

(Sung to the Tune of The Hokey Pokey)

Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil

Posted on July 29, 2017
Brooklyn, Old People, On Cell, Park Slope, Thugs, Violence

They’ll Have Their Own Reality Show within a Year

Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there!

–Brooklyn House of Detention for Men

Overheard by: Jimbo Jones

Posted on July 24, 2017
Brooklyn, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Default, Men, Prison, Violence, Women

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

Posted on May 18, 2016
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Drunks, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, One-liners, Penis, Rednecks, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires