Ranting woman: We should be boycotting products from all those big corporations like Microsoft, and General Motors, and Nike, and–
Hobo: Shut the fuck up before the corporation gets to you and tortures you to death.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick!
–LaGuardia & W 4th
Overheard by: Not drunk
College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Kate V.
Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.
–South Park Slope
Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You.
–Central Park Entrance
Overheard by: HAIR-y
Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second.
–Century 21 Store
Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point.
–Penn Station
Chick #1: So, are you a bad boy?
Chick #2: Yeah, I’ll bet he rides motorcycles and has guns.
Dude: No, but I have killed a few people I didn’t like.
Chick #1, seriously: Don’t joke. I dated a guy who did that.
–1 train
Overheard by: Jay
Woman to boyfriend: You're so right, that man's a liar and a thief! How fucking dare he!
Boyfriend: How dare he, indeed! Now lemme tell ya: if he do it again, shit, I don't even fuckin' care! I'll cut his fuckin' kidneys out! In full view of da NYPD–I don't give a shit. In fact, I want them to see me and convict me!
–L Train
Overheard by: Stephen
Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…
–2nd St & Ave C
Overheard by: bestbelieve
Weird girl #1, watching tall muscular jock with toy Chihuahua: Oh my god, do you see that adorable little dog over there?
Weird girl #2: Yea, it's so cute! I just wanna pluck its little eyeballs out and squish 'em!
Weird girl #1: Aw, me too.
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Rupert
50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.
–PATH
Overheard by: Joe H.
Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.
–Rivington & Attorney
Overheard by: I wasn't invited either
Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!
–West Bank Cafe
60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.
–Central Park
20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!
–7th Ave Subway Entrance
Woman #1: I’ve been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That’d be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don’t really like children. I mean, I’d be willing to kill them, but I wouldn’t really want to deliver them…
–Nevada Smith’s, 3rd Avenue
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
Man: So you’ve had problems with customers before, huh?
Cashier: Just one guy. It was 4th of July weekend and he was going on about sour cream. He was the only one in the store. He started hitting me because he said I charged the wrong price. I kept telling him that he had to leave.
Man: Wow!
Cashier: Yeah, he was obviously going senile. I mean, I’d never hit anyone over sour cream!
–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
