Visual Art

Professor: Old people will sign anything.

–Brooklyn College

Professor: What do you guys think of this poster? It annoys me. I would wear this on a t-shirt just to annoy people.

–Pratt Institute

Sociology professor: New York is a megalopolis, while Boston is only a metropolis, although Bostonites would argue that… Bostonites… Bostoners… Bostonians? Pshhh, whatever.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Philosophy professor, drawing: Here is the world… Here are some birds… And people. Here’s someone… Here’s someone hitting someone with an ax. Some people do axings… Some people don’t.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: no axings!

Old professor with French accent: Hot climate is associated in this book with passion or sex. I think that I, for example, really never did have sex in a sub-zero temperature.

–NYU Cantor Film Center

Overheard by: suddenly surrounded by students’ awkward snickers

Sociology professor: I’ll tell you a story that most people laugh hysterically at, but it actually makes me really sad… Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Tourist #1: This artist is just making crap up. He’s painting shit that isn’t even there.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: See that skyline he’s working on? He’s painted in two skyscrapers that aren’t even there!
Tourist #2: Fuck, he heard you — run!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: kiwibloke

Teen daughter: So, is this what you saw?
Mother: What?
Teen daughter: Is this what you saw when you took estrogen?

–Summer of Love: Art of the Psychedelic Era, Whitney Museum

Overheard by: flowerchild

Tourist chick, in front of Jackson Pollock painting: What does it mean?
Friend: I want that color on my wedding cake.

–MoMA

Tourist kid looking at digital camera, whining: She took a picture of me sleeping!
Tourist mom: You erase it and you die!

–6 train

Father to kids cupping statue’s penis: Come on, girls, it’s time to leave. You’ll be lesbians before you know it.

–Time Warner Center

Lesbian to pal: We could be the next big hit! Lesbians on ice!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Putting on her Ice Skating Shoes

Lesbian: You’re upset that the woman could tell we’re dykes. I’m upset that she insulted us because we’re dykes.

–16th & 1st

Drunk redhead trying to hail C train: A hot dog in the hand is worth two lesbians in the bush.

–207th St station

Hobo: Beware the lesbians! They feed at sundown!

–E/V platform, 5th Ave

Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….

Headline by: bri b

Runners-Up:

· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee

· “Out of her penis.” – Kate

· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr

· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Boy looking at giant sculpture of newborn baby, frantic: Where’s the penis? Where’s the penis?! Where’s the penis?!
Younger sister, calmly: It’s a girl baby.

–Mueck exhibit, Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: office peon waited for the Leibovitz

Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!

–W 34th & 7th

Overheard by: nisey79

Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!

–110th & Lenox

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Krissss

Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.

–6 train station, 59th St

Overheard by: Jackie

Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: In debt on the F train

Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!

–6 train

Woman in wheelchair: These models are fantastic!
Man pushing her: These aren’t models.
Woman in wheelchair: Oh, no!

–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport

Overheard by: Jablayblay