Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Democrats, Erections, Families, Fears, Friends, Hospitals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pictures, Politics, President, Race, Stoners, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

I Hear He Does Quartets All the Time

14-year-old boy #1: You ever play any Chopin?
14-year-old boy #2: Yeah, I played one of his last year.
14-year-old boy #1: Can you play Fantasie-Impromptu? That one's mad hard.
14-year-old boy #2: No, I did an Etude. That's where you play scales and shit.
14-year-old boy #1: I read that he, like, bridged the gap between the classical and romantic eras.
14-year-old boy #2: No way, dude. You ever hear his Nocturnes? That shit is mad romantic. You're thinking of Beethoven.
14-year-old boy #1: Oh, right. Beethoven. He was a pimp.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Blerg

Posted on April 6, 2010
Arts & Letters, Education, History & Geography, On the Subway, Teens, Weirdness

I Think They Can Both Pull It Off

White hobo, descending from second floor: Hey! (entire restaurant freezes) Yo, fellas–stay black.
(complete silence)
Black guy: Yo, man–stay white.

–Burger King, Herald Square

Posted on April 4, 2010
Black People, Guys, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, White People

Well, I Run Into Her Online.

Woman #1: It's so weird that I keep running into her!
Woman #2: I know! Especially since she lives in Dallas.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: eavesdropper

Posted on April 3, 2010
On the Subway, Travel, Weirdness, Women

I'm Bringing the Parasol Back

(lady #2 hurriedly puts up umbrella when coming out of the station)
Lady #1: It's not raining–at all.
Lady #2: I don't care!

–22nd & 5th

Posted on April 2, 2010
Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weather, Weirdness, Women

I'd Start Building an Ark

Girl using photo printer: Mine's all messed up. Why is it messed up? When you did it, it printed out fine. Why isn't mine like yours?
Photo lab guy: I don't know. Maybe god hates you.

–CVS, Astoria

Posted on April 1, 2010
Astoria, Clerks, Gadgets, Girls, God, Questions, Store, Weirdness

Little Wednesday One-Liner on the Prairie

20-something woman on cell: I fuck you, I get dinner. He fucks you, he gets a house!

–Washington Square

Girl: Earthquakes come every ten years, and it's not that bad. It's not like your house goes down or something.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: mia

Excited kindergartner: We played house and then we played going to the co-op!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Elderly man to another: People are gonna kill people, they just need to do it in their own house.

–Austin St & 77th Ave

20-something: So yeah, we used to hang out in elementary school. He'd come over my house, kinda like a "whose cock is bigger?" kinda thing.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: AnnaBanana

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dating, Elementary & Middle School, Food, Gifts, Girls, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Men, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Queens, Sex, Street, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Average-sized woman on cell: He said "big boned." Yeah, "you're a big boned girl… Like your dad, kinda big boned." (pause) Yeah, so, I didn't really feel like eating much after that.

–Queens

Overheard by: bdlilrbt

Girl to friend: I always think I'm a thin person, but then I look into the mirror and realize I'm not.

–3rd & 13th

Super skinny Japanese girl: I brought my juice with me. Then I ordered dessert. But my juice just looked better than eating dessert.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: dignell

Middle aged women to friend: Yeah, we took her in for a few weeks. She was fine, but didn't eat much. But that's because she kind of has an eating disorder. (they burst out into a fit of laughter)

–F Train

Girl getting soda to friend: You know, it's the ice that makes you fat. I heard that somewhere.

–Cafeteria, Marymount Manhattan

Overheard by: Hannah