Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.

–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital

Overheard by: Dustin

Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.

–96th & Columbus Ave

Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!

–East Village

Overheard by: Erin

Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.

–R Train

Overheard by: what the hell?

Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.

–116th & Broadway

Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Posted on June 3, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cancer, Columbia University, Cops, Crazy, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Hippies, Hospitals, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Again, Amy Didn't Expect It to Be Beautiful

Little boy to mother: Mommy, what is that?
Mother: It's a woman, sweetie.
Little girl, screaming to mother: Mommy, she's naked! That woman is naked!
(mother ignores her)
Little girl, whispering: She's naked, she's a naked woman.

–1 Train

Posted on June 2, 2009
Families, Kids, Moms, Nudity, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Weirdness

So I Assume We're Grading on a Curve

Girl: Where they weird?
Guy: I don't know. They were Australian.

–M14D Bus

Posted on June 2, 2009
Bus, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, On the Bus, Questions, Weirdness

Mr. Coulier Was the Last Person We'd Suspect

20-something guy: Dave, are you Superman?
Dave: Yeah, I am!
20-something guy, screaming: See? See? Your whole thing goes down the shitter.

–6th Ave

Overheard by: Touche

Posted on June 2, 2009
Guys, Questions, Street, Superheroes, Weirdness

Suddenly I'm Craving Chocolate Chip Cookies

Girl: What if I started saying “ahoy!” instead of “hello”?
Group of girls: Ahoy!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Pirate at Heart

Posted on June 2, 2009
Girls, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

9 Out Of 10 Physicians Agree!

Girl #1: Say it! My boobs are juicy and delicious!
Girl #2: No!
Girl #1: Come on, say it! You know it's true!

–91st St & Madison

Posted on June 1, 2009
Compliments, Girls, Rack, Upper East Side, Weirdness

“Cancun,” Loosely Translated, Means “Filthy Twenty-Somethings”

Girl on train #1: Yeah, that was when I was snorting coke out of Maya's fake nails.
Girl on train #2, appalled: Ew! That's so dirty!
Girl on train #1: It was spring break in Mexico, everything was dirty.
Girl on train #2, shrugging: True.

–A Train

Posted on June 1, 2009
Body Parts, Cocaine, Girls, Holidays, On the Subway, Passengers, Travel, Weirdness

Let's Swing by After Ultimate Fighting Practice!

Huge black guy #1: Oh man, they have a wonderful exfoliator. It's wonderful!
Huge black guy #2: Oh, yeah man. You know where we got to go? It's this place called lush!

–Time Warner Center