Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!

–Uptown 1 Train

Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.

–Mott St

Overheard by: robin

Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.

–Thompson Street, SoHo

Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.

–Near Herald Square

Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on January 1, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Classroom, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fashion, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jews, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, S&M, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Dude, Polish Jokes Were So 1985

Polish guy: Dude, it smells like a midget's ass over here!
Friend: How do you know what a midget's ass smells like?
Drunk guy: He's Polish! How else would he be able to screw in a lightbulb?

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Posted on December 31, 2015
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Posted on December 27, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Museum of Natural History, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

But You Can Make a Bong Out Of It, Sir.

Hobo, yelling on the train: Oh, god, I know I've made a lot of mistakes. This is all my fault, but if you could just give me something to eat for lunch, or a nickel, anything!
(girl offers him an orange from her bag)
Hobo: No, that ain't food. Thanks anyway.

–Downtown R Train

Overheard by: Kinda have to agree

Posted on December 25, 2015
Food, God, Hobos, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling, Weirdness

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Anna

Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Overheard by: j

Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!

–Broadway & 54th St

Overheard by: Loren

Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Robin

Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: ellie

Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?

–East Village

Posted on December 16, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Conductors, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Starbucks, Suits, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

So Much Social Awkwardness, So Little Time

Weird girl: Did you bring the scepter?
Weird boy: No, I forgot.
Weird girl: That’s the second time!
Weird boy: I know, I’m sorry! I got the Tetris theme song stuck in my head again!

–D train

Overheard by: Kaela

Posted on December 14, 2015
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Friends, Girls, Guys, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Video Games, Weirdness

Cue Franz Ferdinand

Indie Girl #1: …I saw the Unicorns like in the basement for $3!
Indie Girl #2: You saw the Unicorns?! Oh my god, you are like totally my new best friend!
Indie Girl #1: Like I’m so in love with them!
Indie Girl #2: Do you want a cigarette?

–Bowery Ballroom bathroom

Overheard by: roxy