Wednesday One-Liners Hire Professional Mourners

Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!

–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood

Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.

–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope

Overheard by: gvw

Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!

–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ken Thompson

Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Overheard by: MeiLi

Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.

–Astoria, 21st St

Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…

–Union Square

Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!

–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn

Posted on September 10, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Kids, Lesbians, Movie Theaters, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, Park Slope, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

And Why Does the Janitor Care, Anyway?

Sorority girl #1: He called me a dirty slut.
Sorority girl #2: You're not a dirty slut…you used a condom!

–Hana Market, Williamsburg

Posted on September 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Default, Insults, Sorority Girls, Store, Williamsburg

She's Better With Multi-Part Answers Than I Am

Activist: Excuse me, do you have a minute for gay rights?
Little boy: Daddy, what's gay rights?
Father: Umm… ask your mother.

–Bedford & N. 2nd, Williamsburg

Posted on August 23, 2008
Activists, Boys, Dads, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Offers and requests, Questions, Williamsburg

Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Business and Commerce, Drunks, Education, Fat People, Fears, Fordham, Gender issues, Jews, Languages, Latinos, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Rockefeller Center, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Why Darwin Opposed Mandates

Hipster boy: I would rather go on vacation than have health insurance.
Hipster girl: Health insurance is like, totally a scam and not real anyway. Not like Belgium.
Hipster boy: Belgium!

–K&M Bar, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Posted on August 2, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Travel, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde.

–Hop Scotch

Overheard by: bildita

Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!"

–Smith Street & President

Overheard by: Michelle C.

(drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag!

–7th Ave

Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Conti

Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now.

–Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

Posted on July 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Education, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Words

I Keep Eating Cheeseburgers and Sleeping with Women, to No Avail.

Hipster #1: Yeah, my 500-pound lesbian aunt went to Woodstock when she was 16. She still lives there.
Hipster #2: God, I wish I had been at Woodstock when I was 16.
Hipster #3: I wish I was a 500-pound lesbian in Woodstock.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Posted on July 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool

Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?

–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A

Overheard by: Doibles

Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

–9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: bildita

NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.

–4th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: john.ainley

Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?

–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg

Overheard by: NCT

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Delis, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Islam, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Terrorism, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Williamsburg

What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?

–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

Posted on July 16, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, TV, Williamsburg, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

According to the Best-Seller How to Be Fat and Live in New York

Skinny girl: I may see if she can drive me to Target later.
Friend: She has a car?
Skinny girl: Yeah, it’s the only way to be fat and live in New York.

–Williamsburg

Posted on June 22, 2008
Cars and Driving, Default, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Only in New York, Skinny People, Williamsburg