Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.
–Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg
Chick: You rotate girlfriends like handkerchiefs.
Dude: If they are confused bitches who like making me uncomfortable.
–Roebling Tea Room, Williamsburg
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: The Katie
Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.
–34th & 5th
Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!
–Store, 18th & Union Square West
Overheard by: i had to go, too!
Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?
–A Train
Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.
–3rd Ave & Fordham
Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!
–E 69th St McDonald's
Overheard by: Leslie
Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?
–Williamsburg
10-year-old daughter: Mommy, why you always belly bumping me?
Mother: That's right. The belly's hitting you.
10-year-old daughter: He's always hitting me, mommy.
–Elevator, Ridge St
Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.
–Belle Harbor, Queens
Overheard by: redxdress
Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…
–Staten Island Ferry
Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis
Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stepheb
Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.
–23rd & 3rd
Overheard by: We were all thinking it
Guy: Yeah, but it's not that hard to keep your mother from having sex with you.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: V
Man, seriously: If I could marry my daughter I would.
–Duke's Deli, SoHo
Random moviegoer: I have to admit the incest was tastefully done.
–Outside IFC Center
Overheard by: when is it ever?
Suit on cell: I'm in love with my cousin.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sean C.
Very gay man to another: I don't know, I'm just not attracted to him at all! Maybe because he's my brother…
–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lily Caulfield
Man shouting to friend: Incest free for a whole three weeks! Yeah!
–1 Train
Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.
–Central Park
Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.
–W 4th St Station
Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.
–96th & Broadway Subway Platform
Overheard by: sueinthecity
Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.
–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown
Dude: I was raised with rodents.
–Hunter College
Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!
–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna
Drunk dude getting restrained: No, you don't understand. I could murder anyone! Not like my family. My family's all pussies… They're all Ricky Martin!
–Outside Nightcaps, Midwood
Dreadlocked lesbian: I can feel in my heart of hearts that you'll be okay, baby. You didn't kill anybody, you paid a guy to kill somebody.
–Lesbian Bar, Park Slope
Overheard by: gvw
Elderly Eastern European woman to elderly man: A dyke can kill three thousand woman! Most killer in de' world!
–Bedford Avenue & N 10th St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ken Thompson
Little boy exiting bathroom: You're not the only one alive here!
–Regal Cinemas, Union Square
Overheard by: MeiLi
Girl to friend: If I died, and you heard about it–please burn me.
–Astoria, 21st St
Professional woman to another: Well, because I know that you are opposed to genocide and everything…
–Union Square
Three-year-old black girl stabbing at her SpaghettiO's: Die cracker die!
–Day Care Center, Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
Sorority girl #1: He called me a dirty slut.
Sorority girl #2: You're not a dirty slut…you used a condom!
–Hana Market, Williamsburg
Activist: Excuse me, do you have a minute for gay rights?
Little boy: Daddy, what's gay rights?
Father: Umm… ask your mother.
–Bedford & N. 2nd, Williamsburg
