Die, Wednesday-One-Liner Scum!

Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Lolita

20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!

–Starbucks

Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.

Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam Chalek

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Laptop, MILF, Moms, One-liners, Parents, Starbucks, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

And My Mom Said I'd Never Meet a Sweet Girl!

Yuppie chick: You want the rest of my soda?
Yuppie guy: Sure! You didn't put anything in it, did you?
Yuppie chick: I pooed in it.
Yuppie guy: Oh, in that case… (takes a sip)
Yuppie chick: You didn't know I excreted caramel syrup, did you?
Yuppie guy: I'm so happy I have you in my life!

–54th St & Lexington

Posted on January 4, 2010
Drinks, Happiness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Weirdness, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table

Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!

–42nd & 5th

Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!

–Au Bon Pain, Broad St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.

–Sheridan Square

Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Scared British Tourist

Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.

–69th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Drinks, Ethnic Food, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

…Which Is Why My Parents Had No More Kids After Me.

Whiny yuppie hipster #1: All the things we supposedly owe these people, just because they gave us life.
Whiny yuppie hipster #2, semi-ironically: Exactly. I mean, who asked to be born?
Whiny yuppie hipster #3, earnestly: Nobody! Nobody ever asks to be born!

–Greenmarket, Union Square

Overheard by: Suze V

Posted on August 23, 2009
Grocery Stores, Hipsters, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Yuppies

I Feed Them to My Kids and It Makes Their Hair All Shiny

Aging yuppie: Wet dog food is a total crock!
Aging yuppiess: Yes, Kibbles are far superior.

–58th & 6th

Overheard by: Big Taugess

Posted on July 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Food, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Yuppies

Actually, I Hear White Castle Is a Lot Better on the Way Out

Ghetto lady, about young, drunk yuppie throwing his guts up: Daaaamn, that shit's spicy.
Ghetto man to yuppie's girlfriend: You gonna tongue-kiss that nigga now?

–D Train

Overheard by: i bet it was thai

Posted on June 25, 2009
Drunks, Gangstas, Ghetto Chicks, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Vomit, Yuppies

Americans Prefer to Learn About Other Countries by Invading Them

Female yuppie, looking at cover of New York Times: Wow. Look at that picture!
Male yuppie: What is it?
Female yuppie: It's like, some Al Qaeda guy walking in the water with all his guns and stuff.
Male yuppie: Where is he?
Female yuppie: I don't know. Algeria?
Male yuppie: I didn't know there was water in Algeria.

–Crossroads Cafe, Brooklyn

Posted on June 23, 2009
Brooklyn, Global Geography, News, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Terrorism, Weapons, Yuppies

If a Boy Is Your Friend, Is He Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Hot Latina: He doesn't look like someone I'd want to fuck. But neither does my boyfriend… Well, depending on what he's wearing.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

Overheard by: SillyUrn

Girl to friend: If my boyfriend ever asked me to do that, I would get a new boyfriend, preferably the blow-up one that I already have in my bed.

–Dorm, NYU

Overheard by: amused

Girl in leopard print pajamas: My boyfriend is the voice on Dora the Explorer. Name dropped.

–Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: babaganoush the great

Teen boy on cell: Hi, Lisa, it's Matt. Sarah and I were just talking about how much you love tools, so I went to Home Depot today and picked you up a new boyfriend.

–N Train

Overheard by: SueCity

Yuppie to friends: So my boyfriend called me last night and asked me, "Hey, do you even know my name?" and I said, "Well…no."

–1 Train

Overheard by: yams

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Elevators, Friends, Girls, Infidelity, Latinos, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Street, Teens, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Who Needs Performance Art When You Have Hobos?

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah… (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes “peanut butter”)

–23rd St

Posted on April 24, 2009
Asians, Food, Hobos, JAPs, Offers and requests, Old People, Science, Shoes, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Yuppies