Mother looking at stick-on lightbulbs: Those might be good in case you ever need to see in the dark.
College-age daughter: Yeah, or if you're blind and need more light.
–Walgreens, 97th & Broadway
Overheard by: ryn
Mother looking at stick-on lightbulbs: Those might be good in case you ever need to see in the dark.
College-age daughter: Yeah, or if you're blind and need more light.
–Walgreens, 97th & Broadway
Overheard by: ryn
Redhead: Do you keep a standard diary?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: You should. Winston Churchill did, and Winston Churchill won World War II.
Brunette: I think Hitler had a diary, too.
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Lulu
Teen girl #1 (reading about Advil): “Take two for muscle aches.” Hm, is the stomach a muscle?
Teen girl #2: It's not a muscle, I think it's an organ.
Teen girl #1: It's not organ, it is so a muscle. I'm going to take two.
Teen guy: Yo, just go to Duane Reade and get some Pepto-Bismol before you hurt yourself.
–Bay Terrace Shopping Center
Overheard by: mets fan
Hipster girl to smoking boyfriend: You shouldn't smoke. Smoking's bad for you.
Boyfriend: You smoke.
Hipster girl: Yeah, but I'm a film major and you're pre-med.
–NYU
Overheard by: good point?
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Man on cell: Listen, you are just not going to meet a young woman who doesn't have a MySpace page, isn't religious, and doesn't want children.
–46th St & 5th St
30-something to friend: Why is it people from the Midwest always ask if you've tried speed dating? It is like the first thing they think of when they hear about a single woman in New York–she must not have tried speed dating yet.
–1st St & 2nd Ave
Girl on cell: I mean, he basically acts like we're living together. But I don't know, like, I almost called him last night and asked, "are we even dating?"
–65th St & 1st Ave
Hispanic lady: I don't need no man, I don't need no man. I got everything I need in my purse.
–Cafe, West Village
Conductor: Hey, partner, can we go? (static) We can't? Why the heck not? Hey, moron, get your ass in here! You're holding up a bunch of wonderful people! Wonderful New York commuters who don't need this kind of fucking bullshit at 3 on a Friday afternoon! (static) Yes, you! Keep pointing at yourself and my answer will keep being… Yes, it's you! Goddammit, get in the fucking train! I hate dealing with this! (long pause) You know what, make a decision: either cram your Rosie O'Donnell ass in or get the fuck out! Oh, look, he's in! (slow, sarcastic applause) Partner, we can bounce up on out of here now.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Train Wreck
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, for the next 250 years there will be track work on weekends. Don't say that no one told you.
–R Train
Overheard by: Mezz
Conductor: If you don't fit on this train kindly wait for the next B. (doors close) That was excellent, ladies and gentlemen, if you keep this up, we'll all be home really soon.
–B Train
Conductor, looking forward to the end of his shift: All right folks, this is your 6:07 train to New Haven stopping at 125th, then express to Stamford. We're off… (makes clippy-clop noises) Neeiiigghh!
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Amused passenger
Conductor: This is 125th Street, may the force be with you, next stop 86th Street.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Luke Skywalker
Conductor, after train goes through stop: Whoops! My bad. My bad.
–G Train
Overheard by: El David
Conductor, after train stops: Ladies and gentlemen, there is train traffic up ahead. We'll start moving as soon… (train starts moving) Oh, well, I guess that's cleared up. Weee!
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
NYU freshman girl #1, crossing the street: My dad always says, “No! Don't cross the street yet!” and I'm always like, “Dad, I've lived here for two months, I think I know what I'm doing!”
NYU freshman girl #2: Ha ha! But you know, cab drivers are looking out for you.
NYU freshman girl #1: Yeah, that's their job. If they hit you, they get sued.
NYU freshman girl #2: Yeah. My shirt says it all. “NYU” pretty much means “you'll get sued.”
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: J.D.
Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!
–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?
Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.
–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters
Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings
Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: MattyB
Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.
–31st St & 7th Ave
30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?
–D Train
