Hipster girl: Oh my god, I knew Art Spiegelman was going to be involved in this story, somehow!
–Barnes & Noble, 66th & Broadway
Hipster girl: Oh my god, I knew Art Spiegelman was going to be involved in this story, somehow!
–Barnes & Noble, 66th & Broadway
Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.
–Columbia University
Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: soccerking3t
Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Natasha
Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.
–Fordham, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!
–West Village, 8th & 14th
Overheard by: annie
NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?"
–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston
Hobo: ‘Scuse me. You wanna give a quarter to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
–44th & 8th
Hobo: Listen, girls, do you care to donate to the United Negro Pastrami Sandwich Fund?
–Bowery between 3rd & 4th
Hobo: Would you like to donate to the United Negro Pizza Fund?
–82nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Leigh
Hobo: Can you offer a contribution to the United Negro I Didn’t Go to College Fund?
–60th & Columbus
Crazy guy: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Homosexuality! Heh heh heh.
–53rd Street station
Guy on cell: No, I’m waiting for the ferry…No, not him; the boat that goes into the city.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Chris Cotterman
Girl: She said she wasn’t attracted to me! I mean, I’m straight as a goat, but…am I ugly?
–R train
Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian
Middle-aged guy: You know, somebody needs to tell gay men that they’re not 17 year old girls.
–David Barton Gym, 23rd Street
Queer: For God’s sake, be creative. We’re gay!
–West Elm, 18th Street
Woman on cell: It’s really gay outside right now.
–Bowery & 4th
Dude: I thought I saw Matt Damon; then I realized it was just a gay guy.
–Barrow Street
Crazy guy: And what do gay people do with the money they save on child support? The parade! They pay for the parade.
–53rd Street station
JAP girl on line: Why would I be boogieing at temple?
–H&M
Overheard by: Sandjiggie
Redhead JAP: It's too bright, I can't hear you…
–41st & 3rd
JAP: Is saving the whales still, like, a thing?
–F Train
20-something JAP on cell: I mean: I don't want to say that I live in a bubble, but the only people I've spoken to in the last week and a half are you and my doorman.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Pete
College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday.
–Church St
Overheard by: Emma
20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits?
–Outside Town Shop
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties!
–H&M, 5th Ave
Overheard by: titti-less
Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties!
–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
Overheard by: emdeebee
Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear.
–Arthur Ave
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.
–N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
–79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.
–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
–114th & Broadway
Guy: So in your fantasy life you’re a scholar? That’s ridiculous!
–Williamsburg party
Store guy: I love maps! I could look at maps all day. Maps, and Playboy.
–Barnes & Noble, W. 82nd Street
Overheard by: Brooklyn Julie
Guy on cell: Dude, we should bring lightsabers!…I brought my lightsaber for the last two…
–27th & 3rd
Chick: I could get 100 phone numbers in one night if I went to a sci-fi convention!
–Serendipity, E. 60th Street
Overheard by: Djlindee
Girl on cell: Face eating tumor. Did you hear me? Face eating tumor!
–Grand Central
(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!
–Uptown 1 Train
Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.
–Mott St
Overheard by: robin
Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.
–Thompson Street, SoHo
Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.
–Near Herald Square
Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: Adriana
