Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th

Posted on November 14, 2014
Anger Management, Assholes, Booty Call, Dads, Families, Marriage, On Cell, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Three is Company

Wednesday One-liners Watch Their Weight

Dude on cell: She was a size 16 before the baby, but now she’s a 32. She went from Kermit the Frog to Snuffleupagus!…What size are you?

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on November 6, 2014
Anger Management, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Sports, Staten Island Ferry, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence

Becky Went on to a Brilliant Career As a Right-Wing Talk Radio Host

Teenage blonde girl to another: You know what pisses me off? You can't look American.
Friend: Umm, yeah you can.
Teenage blonde girl: No, because you would have to look Indian, but all the Indians are dead. Christopher Columbus killed them all. I'm still really mad about that.

–G Train

Posted on October 27, 2014
Anger Management, Death, Friends, History & Geography, Murder, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

Wednesday One-liners for Other Places

Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer!

–49th & 6th

Posted on October 25, 2014
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Crime and Punishment, Food, Friendship, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, One-liners, Queens, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, STDs, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Coney Island, Creepsters, Death, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Internet, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It Means He Intends to Begin Courting

Hobo: I wanna tackle you! I’m gonna tackle you girl! I’m gonna tackle you girl! You hear me? I’m gonna tackle you!
Girl #1: Did he just say he wants to tackle us?
Girl #2: Oh my god! What did he mean by that?

–Spring & Mercer

Overheard by: Spooner

Posted on October 11, 2014
Anger Management, Hobos, Soho

Not Too Bad, As Far As Blind Dates Go

A hobo on crutches hobbles towards a chick walking in the opposite direction, and she swerves to avoid him.

Crutchbo: You think you can outsmart me, bitch? Next time I’ll cut you.
Woman: I’m hoping there won’t be a next time.

–Port Authority

Posted on October 11, 2014
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Port Authority, Retards & Handicaps, Stab, Topics, Violence, Women

Her Teeth Were All Fucked

Bus driver: Take it to the end of the bus.
Dude: What?
Bus driver: Take it to the end of the bus. I don’t want to listen to you cursing.
Dude: What the fuck? I am not talking to you.
Bus driver: I don’t talk like that.
Dude: You look like you talk like that!

–Q23 bus

Posted on October 2, 2014
Anger Management, Bus Drivers, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Guys, On the Bus, Talking/Convos

He’s Got an Urgent 1 O’Clock to Get To

Hobo: You have a quarter for a cup of coffee?
Suit: Excuse me, can’t you see I’m on the phone?
Hobo: I don’t have time for games!

–42nd & 7th

Posted on October 2, 2014
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Times Square

Not Yet, But Allah Willing…

Girl #1: I don’t know, I think there was a language barrier.
Girl #2: Where is he from?
Girl #1: Well, Israel.
Girl #2: What the fuck do they speak there? Arabic?

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Janis Glendon

Posted on September 30, 2014
Anger Management, Brooklyn, Friendship, History & Geography, Language Barrier, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Stupidity

Anger Management