Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.

–Washington Square Park

Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi

Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!

–8th Ave & 42nd St

Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.

–33rd St.

Overheard by: Rio

High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?

–St. Paul's Catholic Church

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Church, Computer, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Internet, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Myspace, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Street, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

There's a Thin Line Between Love and Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots

Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!

–Union Square

Overheard by: amused

Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!

–48th St & 30th Ave

Overheard by: kteezy

Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.

–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway

Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: me too…

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Brooklyn, Classroom, Clerks, Delis, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Love, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

It's a Brave New World, Hombre

Customer: Are these shorts with NYU on the back for men or women?
Male employee in ghetto accent: Miss, would you let your boyfriend wear that on his ass?

–NYU Bookstore

Overheard by: Adrianna

Posted on May 14, 2009
Ass, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, NYU, Questions, Relationships, Store

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 13, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Panhandling, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Who Says Keeping Up with the Kardashians Doesn't Have a Moral?

Teen to friend: With big asses come big responsibilities.
Friend: True, true.

–Grand Concourse

Overheard by: Lia

Posted on May 10, 2009
Ass, Friends, Height, Philosophy, Teens, The Bronx

Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.

Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?

–Bathroom, Columbia University

Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!

–87th & Lexington

Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!

–Chat N Chew Restaurant

Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.

–4 Ttrain

Overheard by: Megz

Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.

–5 Train

Posted on May 6, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Posted on May 6, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bag ladies, Cum, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911

Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…

–MoMa

Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jason

Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Overheard by: scarface

Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Lord Almighty

Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.

–St. John's University

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Body Parts, Cell Phone, College, Cops, Dreams, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Library, MoMA, More museums, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Security Guards, Teens, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

When You Unwittingly Help a Tourist, We All Lose Out

Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.

–Houston Street

Posted on May 5, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Ass, Couples, Directions, Insults, Midwesterners, Only in New York, Questions, Street, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, White People

The Make-a-Wednesday-One-Liner Foundation

Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?

–Target

10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.

–Lincoln Center

Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.

–Times Square

Overheard by: 3 day tourist

Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Posted on April 29, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cars and Driving, Diet/Weight, Gifts, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Height, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Store, Street, Surgery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Ass