Tall girl: I find fault with your explanation of how penguins get the machete upgrade.

Hamden, Connecticut

Overheard by: Soy Bomb

Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.

Austin, Texas

Sports fan to another: I'm telling you: you swing a wheel of cheese and hit a bird, that bird's going down.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Laure

Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.

Overheard by: the wirled

Girl #1: I want to have sex with that duck.
Girl #2: Shut up!

Overheard by: io

Little girl: Tea… cock! (pause) Tea… cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa…
Distracted mother: Honey, “peacock” is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!

Leesburg, Virginia

Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.


Kooky English professor, leading discussion: Now, what if the raven had said “chicken soup”?

Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: lenore

Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.

University of Kansas

Brunette: I'm like a total vegetarian. Except I like chicken, and beef. And sometimes I eat bacon with my breakfast.
Blonde: Are you for real?

Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: Vastly Amused