Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!

–Starbucks

Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?

–Brooklyn

Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.

–Park Slope Barber Shop

Overheard by: ian daywalker

Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.

–D Train

Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.

–Chipotle

Overheard by: Jana