Hipster boy: I'm wearing shorts.
Hipster girl: I'm wearing pants.
Hipster boy: It's raining.
Hipster girl: Yeah.
–Washington & Lafayette
Friend #1, at memorial: Dude, did you see those pictures of Mike's mom when she was in high school?
Friend #2: No, why?
Friend #1: Dude, she was fine!
Friend #2: Really?
–Funeral Home, Brooklyn
Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.
–M&J Trimming
Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!
–Brooklyn
Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Q
Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…
–Q Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!
–Q Train
Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!
–7th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: dignell
Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?
–92nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Gordon D
Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!
–3 Train
Overheard by: I waved
Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion… whatsoever… for demons!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Harper
Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.
–57th St b/w 5th & 6th
Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!
–Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: Laura
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!
–Prospect Park:
Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!
–Brooklyn Zoo
Overheard by: Snoog
Criminal law professor: But why shouldn't it be illegal to be intoxicated in public?
Student: No one should impede my right to have a good time.
–Brooklyn Law School
Gluttony
Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Sam
Lust
Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…
–5th Ave & 12th St
Greed
Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe
Sloth
Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?
–L Train
Wrath
Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.
–Brooklyn College Library
Envy
Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!
–Bleecker & Spring
Pride
Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!
–Battery Park
Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!
–Amtrak Train
College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!
–6 Train
Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait what?
Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!
–Doctor's Office, Astoria
Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.
–M4 Bus
Overheard by: trev
Girl to 20-something friend: Apparently, you can get pregnant if he looks at you across a crowded room!
(shocked pause)
20-something: Oh my god! Are you serious, I can?
Girl, glaring at friend: Are you serious? Asshole!
–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn
Guy to stranger, about girl who just left: Yo, that your girl?
Stranger: Nah, she a friend.
(silence)
Guy: She look like her mother?
Stranger: Does she?
Guy: I don't know, I'm asking you.
–McDonald's, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julio C
10-year old boy: Hey Melissa, I'm wearing a cup.
7-year old girl: Really? Where? Can I feel?
10-year old boy: Over my who-who, yeah you can.
7-year old girl, grabbing cup: Oh, I like that… but why is it so hard?
–Kingsbay Football Field, Brooklyn
