Wednesday One-Liners Get Jiggly With It

Dude: Do boobs need a reason?

–Perdition bar, 49th & 10th

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

Guy: This is high school. Breasts are usually an effective way of determining gender.

–Stuyvesant High School

Old woman with Julie Andrews accent: I used to be quite buxom!

–Chinese Restaurant, 55th & 6th

Wife to husband: Did you see the tits on that Santa?

–Outside Penn Station, During SantaCon

Curvy woman on cell: Accessories? Oh please. My breasts are accessory enough.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Couples, Fashion, Gender issues, Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stuyvesant, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make Partner

Crying woman in pink bathrobe and wet hair, as she chases pimp-looking male: I'm taking them to court. I'm taking those motherfuckers to court! I'm calling 1-800-lawyers!

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: Rebecca Meyers

Attractive female law student on cell: Whatever, he can feed me dinner. I know it's "unethical" or whatever…

–11th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Columbia Education School girl to friend: Isn't this supposed to be a graduate school mixer? Why aren't there any law school guys coming up to me?

–Havana Central, near Columbia University

Overheard by: I <3 Gold Diggers Subway hobo: Yeah, thats right. (yelling) I'm gonna be the best judge this town has ever seen!

–6 Train

Overheard by: watching&waiting

Six-year-old girl walking up some wet slippery steps: If I slip, I'm gonna sue.

–33rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Em

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Crying, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Unless There's a Downside I Don't See

Woman #1: You totally should get knocked up by him. With the child support you'd get, you'd be set for life.
Woman #2: I know! Right?

–Gym, Columbia University

Overheard by: Alison R.

Posted on July 24, 2009
Columbia University, Gyms, Kids, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women

Tim Gunn's Guide to Wednesday One-Liners

Mystical store clerk to very serious customer: Yeah, I went through like half the winter like without the appropriate headbands!

–Bookstore

Overheard by: teen

Older woman to younger woman: At least you're not wearing windpants anymore. That's an improvement right there.

–Bedford Ave & N 5th St

Middle-aged businessman to two others: In my life I've seen, at most, three people who look good in spandex.

–40th St b/w 5th & Madison Ave

Teen on cell: I think we're going to need something more supportive than a fanny pack.

–113th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Fabulous hobo: Why does a homeless man wear couture? Because he wants to show off!

–Union Square

Posted on July 22, 2009
Beauty, Brooklyn, Clerks, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Customers, Fashion, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Street, Suits, Teens, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

A Piñata Full Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.

–108 St & Broadway

Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!

–17th St & 8th Ave

Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mike

Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Green Star

10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: H-Bomb

Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Friends, Global Geography, Kids, KKK, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Race, Rape, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Two-Faced Liners

Fat naked guy on cell in NYSC locker room: I'm just leaving the bank now.

–New York Sports Club

Girl on cell: Hello? Oh, hi mom. Yeah, yeah, it's really early here. Yeah, it's about two in the morning. Yeah, the Eiffel tower was beautiful. Yeah, right to the top. And then we had crepes, yeah.

–Columbia University

Guy at urinal: I'm walking toward baggage claim, where are you?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Next urinal

Tweenybopper on phone: Hey, Xander? We're at my house. My mom says you and Corey can't come over. Sorry!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Grumpy old man, walking alone, on cell: I can't! I've got my grandson with me!
(pause) Bitch, why would I lie to you? (pause) Okay, love you too.

–Harlem

Posted on July 15, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Ethnic Food, Family Ties, Fat People, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Lies, Love, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Starbucks, Time, Tourism, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners

Fine, but My Odor's Peaking Right Now

Preppy blond girl: Can you smell me? I smell so good.
Less preppy blond girl: Oh my god! Yeah! But can I smell you after class?

–Columbia University

Posted on July 2, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Offers and requests, Preppies, School and studying, Sensory Experiences

What Did the Environment Ever Do for Wednesday One-Liners?

Recycling activist: I myself used to be a plastic bottle!

–Outside BLT Burger, 6th Ave

Overheard by: sromeo

Student: Why the fuck are people still building greenhouses if we have the greenhouse effect?

–Columbia University

20-something to friend: I don't understand the sudden concern about global warming…I mean, it's what happened at the end of the Ice Age!

–LaGuardia Community College, Long Island

Overheard by: lulah

Greenpeace worker: Hey! Do you fucking care about the environment?

–Washington Square Park

Greenpeace guy, with puppy dog face: Are you sad about the trees?

–78th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: citysnidget

Posted on June 24, 2009
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, History & Geography, Insults, Long Island, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Stupidity, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Give 'Em Somethin' to Talk About

Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.

–The Place, West Village

Overheard by: Colleen

Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!

–College of Mount Saint Vincent

Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Katie

Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.

–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.

–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital

Overheard by: Dustin

Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.

–96th & Columbus Ave

Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!

–East Village

Overheard by: Erin

Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.

–R Train

Overheard by: what the hell?

Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.

–116th & Broadway

Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Posted on June 3, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cancer, Columbia University, Cops, Crazy, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Hippies, Hospitals, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women