Underage guy, as alarm sounds: Is it me? Am I setting off the alarm?
Underage girl: I think it’s your bag.
Underage guy: Maybe it’s because of all the booze I’ve got in my backpack.
Underage girl: Shut up!
–Kim’s Videos, St. Mark’s Pl
Underage guy, as alarm sounds: Is it me? Am I setting off the alarm?
Underage girl: I think it’s your bag.
Underage guy: Maybe it’s because of all the booze I’ve got in my backpack.
Underage girl: Shut up!
–Kim’s Videos, St. Mark’s Pl
Black kid after seeing white girl in gym clothes run by: Man, for a second I thought that white girl was running from the cops too!
–Fordham Road, The Bronx
Overheard by: run, white girl, run
Middle-aged black lady yelling on crowded train: Young black men stand the fuck up! Kill the NYPD!
–A Train
Little kid to bus driver, after a police car siren is heard: Whenever I hear a police car siren, I always think that they are getting donuts, 'cause, ya know, cops love donuts, right?
–B41 Bus
Dude: I was playing the new GTA. I drove around looking for my apartment but couldn't find it, so I just shot a bunch of cops.
–Columbus Circle
Cop with M-4 assault rifle (serious voice, on a sunny day): It's raining men out here.
–86th & Lexington
Megaphone lady: Don’t buy from Canada! Don’t go to Canada! Don’t support Canada at all!…Don’t buy Canadian beer!
–49th & 6th
Teenage girl: I really admire immigrants…even though most of them are criminals.
–Times Square
Overheard by: intern
Construction worker #1: My girlfriend is being deported.
Construction worker #2: Why, 'cause she's illegal?
Construction worker #1: No, 'cause she's a fucking whore.
–38th St & 9th Ave
Quirky 30-something woman #1: When I was dating my ex-boyfriend I felt like I was smuggling drugs… 8 1/2 inches of them.
Quirky 30-something woman #2: Dude, he was smuggling drugs in his scary, scary beard.
–Starbucks
Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.
–17th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vespa
(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!
–9th & Stuyvesant
Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…
–27th b/w 6th & 5th
Overheard by: Kyle
Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.
–Lower East Side
50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Girl, dejected: You know, it’s just so hard to do right now.
Sympathetic guy: Yeah, yeah… Plus, it’s a felony.
–66th & York
Overheard by: Dave C
Student: Of course he should get the death penalty! He is a drunk-driving pederast who drowned a two-year-old.
Professor: Oh, and you’re so perfect?!
–New York Law School
Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!
–151st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Thin walls
Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.
–N 6th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: j
Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!
–168th & Fort Washington Ave
Overheard by: RR
Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!
–Graham Ave bus station
Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!
–Broadway East station
Overheard by: Subwaysurfer
