Girl #1: Listen, I will tell you how I get skinny. I don't work out and I just don't eat real food. I eat like pudding and yogurt and candy. That's it! And I get skinny.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally works!
–Union Square
Girl #1: Listen, I will tell you how I get skinny. I don't work out and I just don't eat real food. I eat like pudding and yogurt and candy. That's it! And I get skinny.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally works!
–Union Square
Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: squished
Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?
–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!
–H Mart
Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Haven't we all?
Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.
–Park Slope
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
Buff 20-something black guy: Yeah, she was that one I was going out with last summer.
Tall 30-something black guy: So what happened?
Buff younger black guy: She got fat! In like two weeks! And also, she was cheating on me: she never told me she hadn't broken up with her boyfriend at the time!
–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
20-something guy #1: So would you fuck Oprah?
20-something guy #2: What? No. Why?
20-something guy #1: Well, I thought you might. Cause you like black chicks, right? And you like fat chicks…I thought you'd be down for a fat black chick.
20-something guy #2: Hell no. You gotta keep the fat ones white.
–C Train
Overheard by: So make sure to wash them with bleach.
Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?
–Target
10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.
–Lincoln Center
Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.
–Times Square
Overheard by: 3 day tourist
Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.
–A Train
Overheard by: Violette
Skinny hipster to friend: All I'm saying is, if he can fuck a skinny chick why fuck a fat chick?
Random passerby: Shit, that guy ain't gotten pussy in months.
–East Village
Teacher, holding up bag with four apples: Okay kids, how much does this weigh?
Really enthusiastic child: Twenty one pounds!
Teacher: Umm…okay. You think 21 pounds. Right. Anyone else?
–Lincoln Center
Dude in crowded subway car, to friend he's showing around town: That's why hipsters are all so thin, so they can move easily through trains.
Friend: So, is that, like, a requirement here?
Dude: Yeah, there's a practical reason for it.
–R Train
Overheard by: Morning Glory
