Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"
–Uptown N Train
Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.
–40th St
Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!
–42nd & 8th
Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!
–Outside The Met
Overheard by: Yellow!
Large black woman: Don't you want to sit down? You don't have a good balance.
Old Jewish man with walker: Not true! Last night, at around two am, a fairy came to me and said I had good balance!
Large black woman, shrugging: Alriiight!
–N Train
Overheard by: zach
Large black woman to friend: So like, he's totally gonna bring Randi's hot sister to the x-mas party! Score for Matt!
Black dude passing by: Ewww, you sound like a white girl.
–125th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Miss Ivy
Blimp girl: Do you think I check out asses too much?
Skinny bimbo: Uhhh…
Blimp girl: But he was just sticking it in my face!
–98th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: assman
Woman, staring at the train subway map: Excuse me, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education.
Woman: No no, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education. Number two, you look at the map. Number three, don't talk to strangers.
–Uptown NQRW
Overheard by: Knows which strangers not to talk to
Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes
Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!
–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!
–Think Coffee
Overheard by: its to early for this conversation
Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Dahlia
Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!
–Times Square
Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2: It's not funny!
Man walking away: Yes it is!
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jesse H.
Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can't lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? 'scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can't take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
–Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
–The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
–5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
–Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
Large, jolly lady usher #1, as disturbed-looking Midwestern tourist-family walks by: I always cringe when people bring their children. There should be signs telling them it's inappropriate.
Large, jolly lady usher #2: Remember the woman who kept telling us she was going to pray for us? Girl, that made my day!
–45th St
Overheard by: Ladle
