Girls

NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Downtown 2 Train

New Car Buyers Have Higher Standards Than Ever Before

Girl #1: Overpriced, and totally not worth it.
Girl #2: But does it come with a vibrator?

–43rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Taylor

Actually…

Girl on bus looking at a Six Flags sign: Why do they call it Six Flags?
Guy: Yo, bitch! Count the flags!

–Bus, Queens

Overheard by: Nicoletta

Tonight’s Movie: The Picture of Doreen Gray and Her Sister

Girl #1: So, do you and your twin sister look alike?
Girl #2: Well, if we’re standing next to each other we are, like, totally identical, but if you look at a picture of us, we look nothing alike… Do you want to take my picture?
Girl #1: Ummm…
Girl #2: Go ahead. You can take my picture.

–56th St, between 5th & 6th Ave

From Dr. Seuss' Unpublished The Whore by the Door

Boy: Is that a hat?
Girl: No, it's my dick. (pause) Wait, what? Is what a hat?
Boy: I thought that thing by the door was a hat.
Girl: A cat?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

He's All, “Mommy! Mommy!”

Girl #1: You know that guy who always follows me around?
Girl #2: Yeah!
Girl #3: I wish I knew his name.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Could it be Mulva?

…So, How Much Do You Weigh?

Eccentric-looking older man: What are you?
20-something girl: Portuguese.
Eccentric-looking older man: Portuguese? They're good people. They mind their own business.
20-something girl: Yeah?
Eccentric-looking older man: Yeah, not like the Jews!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Christina

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.

–87th & East End

Overheard by: Sophie

Adding Sacrilege to Injury

High school girl: I don't understand what you're upset about.
Middle school boy: She hit me with a friggin' Harry Potter book!

–58th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn

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