Wednesday, with Some Scattered One-Liners in the Early Evening

Hobo: Everyone, please believe me, I had nothing, I tell you–nothing, to do with this rain!

–6 Train

Overheard by: thanks for that clearing that up

Black guy sitting on stoop to white guy standing the rain: I can't offer you a warm vagina but I can offer you a dry haven.

–1st Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: D Dot

Hobo to sky, as it begins to rain: You gotta do better than drizzling if you want to flood the Earth! We got murders and rapists down here! There are pedophiles and traffickers and thieves and liars and idolaters! I'm ready: I got the life goggles you sent me! (holds up scuba mask) Thank you for making me in your image, Lord. Amen.

–24th St b/w Broadway & 6th Ave

Overheard by: EmLo

Man, as it begins to rain: Goddamn rain, man! Only in New York!

–Park Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Bo Vanderpants

Woman on cell: Yeah, the weather is beautiful this morning. I'm strolling like a motherfucker.

–Lexington & 90th St

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, God, Gripes, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Men, Murder, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

…We're a Bank, Sir.

Furious hobo: I just got run over in your parking lot and I can't even get a beer!?
Woman: Sir, we don't even serve beer.

–Northern Blvd, Queens

Posted on February 8, 2010
Accidents, Anger Management, Drinking & Drunk People, Gripes, Hobos, Queens, Women

Besides, Prices Are Always Inflated in the Park.

Hobo #1: I offered that squirrel five cents for sex.
Hobo #2: What's a squirrel going to do with a nickel?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fogel

Posted on February 1, 2010
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Hobos, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Parks, Prostitution, Questions

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

…Minus Five Years and Twenty Pounds.

Hobo to lady: Hey, can I have a dollar?
Lady to hobo: Why? You already have a bottle of liquor, what else you need?
Hobo to lady: A fine pretty thing like you.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: I love NYC

Posted on January 9, 2010
Comebacks, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, Lower East Side, Panhandling, Questions, Women

Don't Torment the Homeless, Dude

Hobo: Spare some change, fine-lookin' sir?
Suit: Would your name by any chance be Henry?
Hobo: Do I look like a mothafuckin' Henry? Hell no!
Suit: Well, that would be a correct assumption, as Henrys are usually successful.
Hobo: Well then, are you a Henry?
Suit, proudly: Yeah.
Hobo: Spare some change, good-lookin' Henry?
Suit: Nah.

–1 Train

Overheard by: i could've been a henry

Posted on January 8, 2010
Compliments, Hobos, Insults, Names, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Suits

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table

Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!

–42nd & 5th

Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!

–Au Bon Pain, Broad St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.

–Sheridan Square

Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Scared British Tourist

Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.

–69th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Drinks, Ethnic Food, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Have Fallen Upon Hard Times

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you.

–Broadway & 9th St

Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat.

–4 Train

Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch)

–F Train

Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars?

–Broadway & 97th St

Overheard by: Martijn H

Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever!

–Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on December 2, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Way I Mess Around with Yours?

Hobo: Don't you have a heart?
Girl: No.
Hobo: It's a shame.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on November 28, 2009
Body Parts, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

What Runs Through Parents' Minds When They Picture Their Kids in the Big Apple

Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm… Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys… listen. Guys… birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking: Wow… that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?

–Sitting Area, 48th & 8th

Overheard by: Brendan

Posted on November 19, 2009
Beauty, Birds, BJs, Compliments, Drunks, Hair, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Strangers, Teens, Weed

Hobos

Don't Torment the Homeless, Dude