Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.
–168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Emm
Doctor #1: Who are you going on vacation with?
Doctor #2: My wife and my girlfriend.
–168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Emm
Gossip girl #1: This isn't Europe! There are rules!
Gossip girl #2: Yeah, you can't just go sleeping with someone else's boyfriend!
–Bryant Park
Hippie girl, about friend cheating: So now she won't answer anyone's calls. And her boyfriend said she hasn't come home in a week.
Friend, completely serious: Maybe he killed her for cheating on him and is calling everyone, acting worried.
Hippie girl: Are you serious right now?! She is probably staying with the guy she's been cheating with.
Friend, looking ashamed: Sorry, I've been watching way too much SVU.
Hippie girl: You need to make friends when you go back to Boston!
–Washington Square
20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."
–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights
Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.
–St. Mark's & 1st
Overheard by: spead
White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich
Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?
–5th Ave & 90th St
30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Brian
Woman to thug: I don't care if you fuck other bitches. Fuck whoever you want!
Thug: Baby…
Woman: Seriously. Fuck until your dick falls off. I don't care.
–1 Train
Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.
–Cosmetology Class, Astoria
Overheard by: Kelsey
Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."
–Wilson ave, Bushwick
Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.
–132nd St & Cypress
Overheard by: office drone
Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!
–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn
Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?
–Q20 Bus
Overheard by: Liza
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
Angry drunk girl to Guido friend she's dragging along: Hey, it's Laura*! (yelling) Hey you, Laura, you fucking slut! I heard you fucked Tommy*! You fucked my boyfriend, you fucking whore!
Laura: Hey, fuck you! I'll fuck whoever I want to fuck.
Angry drunk girl: You fucking slut! I can't fucking believe you!
Laura: Pipe down. His dick is tiny. Get a man with a real package, then I'll fuck him, and then you can complain.
Angry drunk girl: You whore!
Passerby: God, I love me some Bridge and Tunnel on a Saturday night.
Angry drunk girl: Did he just call us “Bridge and Tunnel”?! That dick!
–86th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Actually, it's WHOMever: you'll fuck WHOMever you want to fuck.
Black woman #1: So, she's got him at her place setting up her new furniture while she's out fucking another guy.
Black woman #2: Where does he think she's at?
Black woman #1: Her hair done. She's got him convinced that it takes eight hours to relax that short shit.
Black woman #2: Man, that's why a white man should never date a black woman. I'd never get away with that shit with my man.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Overhearer
14-year-old girl #1: I'm in love with my cousin and he says he likes me back.
14-year-old girl #2: You can't help who you like.
14-year-old girl #1: I'm only telling you because I know you won't judge me. He says he loves his girlfriend but he wants to be with me too.
–Uptown 4 Train
