Older guy at table: Goddamn it!
Younger man: What's the matter?
Older guy: Do you ever get some loose skin from your ball sack stuck in you fly? I can tell you right now, it's a motherfucker!
Younger guy: No, that's why we wear underwear.
Older guy: Yeah, well back in my day I was raised without them and god forbid, as long as I live, I'll never put one on till I'm cold dead.
–Burger King, Broadway
Man #1: Yeah, Charley tells me he's afraid of ghosts. He's afraid they'll get him if he turns out the light.
Man #2: Yeah?
Man #1: Yeah, so I told him, “Charley, there are no such things as ghosts.”
Man #2: Okay.
Man #1: And then he asks Elane if there are no such things as ghosts and she starts going blah-da-de-blah on about the holy ghost.
Man #2: *Sigh*
–D Line
Overheard by: Mago
Man: Holy shit!
Little child: Ooooohh! Mommy, he said shit.
Mother: Don't worry, it's holy.
–Liberty Avenue
Overheard by: Karina
Man #1: It's Bastille Day, so viva le France!
Man #2: Screw France, viva Las Vegas.
Random girl: Viva 69!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Black man #1: Yo, her mouth was so big it fit my dick and yo' balls in it.
Black Man #2: Oh, word?
–Yankees Stadium
Overheard by: HE said what?!
Bank teller: Are you two married?
Asian girl and white man (angrily): Yes. Just.
Bank teller: You're so loving.
White man: Our marriage doesn't start until noon each day.
Asian girl: After two cups of coffee.
–17th St & 5th Ave
20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: insizlane
Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.
–East Village
Overheard by: doctors are so jaded
Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.
–44 Bus, Staten Island
(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.
–Coney Island Cyclone
Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.
–Houston & Macdougal
Overheard by: Lish
Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."
–Nederlander Theater
Overheard by: julia
Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.
–Broadway & Waverly
Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!
–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Doug Tischler
Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: r. faith
Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.
–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St
Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.
–Bellerose, Queens
50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!
–50th St & 5th Ave
Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.
–8th Ave, Midtown
Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!
–NYU
Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: the libbernator
Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!
–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!
–Botanical Garden
Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.
–C Train
White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.
–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.
–42 St & 2nd Ave
Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!
–7th Ave & 26th
Overheard by: Todd
