A Woman's Right to Wednesday One-Liners

Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?

–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike H

Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.

–Bard High School Early College

Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!

–N Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: marge

Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!

–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on April 18, 2015
Abortion, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Drunks, Insults, Latinos, Lies, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

He and the Mattress Giant are Getting Married in Central Park

Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!

–Electra Building

Posted on April 17, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Blue-collar workers, Buildings, Men, Questions, Talking/Convos, Time, Wishes & desires, Women

If Only the Minutemen Could Keep Out Hicks

Little kid, holding out french fry: Patata!
Hick woman: Patoota? What's that?
Hick man: Little kids' word.

–Belgian Beer Bar, 75th & 2nd

Overheard by: Even my Spanish isn't that bad

Posted on April 15, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Default, Kids, Language Barrier, Men, Questions, Rednecks, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women, Words

Then How Can I Be a Jerk Off, Brainiac?

Man #1, annoyed at being pushed: You don't have to push!
Man #2: Well, it was really crowded.
Woman: Welcome to New York!
Man #1, to woman: Your mother!
Woman: That's mature! What are you, in the 5th grade? Grow up, jerk-off!
Man #1: Suck my dick!
Woman: You don't got one, honey!

–F Train

Overheard by: Alliem

Posted on April 15, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Public Transportation, Violence, Women

Hot New Ad Campaign for Partial-Birth Abortion

Guy, to chick: Yeah, yeah, you are definitely less pregnant than last time we hung out.

–Chrystie & Delancey

Overheard by: lauren

Posted on April 14, 2015
Babies, Lower Manhattan, Men, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Street, Women

Isn’t There a Talking Donkey in the Hebrew Bible?

Teen boy: Is that a Jewish thing?
Man: No, it’s from Shrek.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Posted on April 11, 2015
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Judaism, Men, Movies, Questions, Teens, Union Square and East Village

We All Still Miss Belushi

Hispanic man #1: Fucking wind. It’s fucking cold up here, Holmes.
Hispanic man #2: People complain about New York too much, man. Remember how we had them killer bees?

–120th between 1st & Pleasant

Overheard by: Patrick Stegall

Posted on April 9, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Insects, Latinos, Men, Weather

Okay, You're Hired.

Woman: No! Do it like a bear!
Man: Raaaaaawwwwwwrrr!

–Queens

Posted on April 9, 2015
Animals & Nature, Men, Offers and requests, Queens, Weirdness, Women

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me.

–Police Precinct, Bronx

Overheard by: afrocurl

Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers)

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: onlycoolcop

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!?

–Houston & Broadway

Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Computer, Cops, Education, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Cops, Directions, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Men