Little girl: Mommy, look at the fishes!
Mother: You know where all these creatures come from?
Girl: Jesus?
Mother: You betcha.
–New York Aquarium, Coney Island
Overheard by: Swear I’m not listening…
Little girl: Mommy, look at the fishes!
Mother: You know where all these creatures come from?
Girl: Jesus?
Mother: You betcha.
–New York Aquarium, Coney Island
Overheard by: Swear I’m not listening…
Six-year-old boy in voting booth with mother: Obama for president! Mommy, I want Obama to win!
Mother to son: You wouldn't be living under my roof if you didn't!
–Voting Booth, 22nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Casey Felago
Three-year-old girl: They got balls!
Mom: Balls?
Three-year-old girl: Yeeeeah!
–Globetrotters Game, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: amira
Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.
–Sephora, 19th & 5th
Overheard by: yassira diggs
Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie!
–flight into JFK
Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now!
–Brooklyn Museum
Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know?
–Penn Station
God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed!
–4 train
Overheard by: saltylips
God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth!
–1st Avenue L station
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here.
–46th between 8th & 9th
Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage!
–45th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Alex Venguer
Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster!
–Queens Mall
Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin.
–College Point Shopping Center
Overheard by: Yesenia
Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater?
–Waterside Plaza
Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me?
–M23 Bus
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us.
–15th St & University Place
Overheard by: Sarah M.
Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: olivejuice
Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lucian
Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: MJB
Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!
–Staten Island Ferry
Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.
–Bowery & 2nd
Mother, about her hyperactive child: Looooong day. Long day, and too much ice cream.
Hyperactive child: No.
–King Tut Exhibit, Times Square
Overheard by: Sarah
[A woman is dragging a five-year-old boy into the women’s restroom.]Boy: I don’t want to go in.
Woman: Come on, it’ll only take a minute.
Boy: But you can wipe your ass by yourself now!
–Times Square
Little boy: You can’t tell.
Mom: Yes, you can sense it. It’s called gaydar.
–Central Park
Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?
–1 Train
Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: j
Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)
–Times Square
Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!
–Times Square
Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.
–Bleecker Street
Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.
–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones
Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen
