Guy #1: The new Harry Potter is coming out this summer; you should read the book with me before the movie is released.
Guy #2: If I wanted to read a book filled with stories of sorcery, I'd read the bible.
Guy #1: (mouth drops open)
–Artapasta, Soho
Guy #1: The new Harry Potter is coming out this summer; you should read the book with me before the movie is released.
Guy #2: If I wanted to read a book filled with stories of sorcery, I'd read the bible.
Guy #1: (mouth drops open)
–Artapasta, Soho
Two high-school girls in a Super Stretch Hummer, screaming out the window with a smart-ass tone: Enjoy the movie!
Bitchy gay man in line to buy a ticket: Yeah, enjoy the fucking environment, bitch!
–Outside Sunshine Theater, E Houston St.
Overheard by: E.J.
Blonde #1: So, why don't we rent a movie? Like Grandma's Boy?
Blonde #2: But you've seen that movie like four times!
Blonde #1: I've seen the movie four times, but I've never really seen it, you know?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Just waiting to use the bathroom
Crazy hobo outside strip club: Good morning! (girl ignores him) I said "Good morning!" (girl keeps walking, not looking at him) Fine! I take it back!
–Broadway & 53rd St
Overheard by: JoBell
Bag lady to tourists: Hey, people! Welcome to New York City! Can you buy me a hot dog?
–Wall Street
Hobo: Hey! Can I borrow fifty million dollars for the weekend?!
–14th St
Hobo on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please! My name is Al, but you can caaaaaaaaalllllll me…homeless.
–L Train
Homeless guy: Hi everyone, my name is Eddie. Some people call me Homeless Ed, or Homeless for short. I know some of you hate homeless people. I didn't use to be homeless. I had a house, a job, and even a girlfriend. And my girlfriend had a girlfriend, so here I am.
–Uptown F Train
Lispy overweight hobo: Hey, sweetie! If I do some scenes from Days of Our Lives, will you help me out with two dollars?
–W 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
20-something woman: Why do I have a phone number for "Shrek" in my phone?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Poogins
Older, bald man on phone: Mom! I told you, you don't have to call me everyday. Just call me once a month…to see if I'm alive!
–Times Square
40-something suit on cell: You know what would be fine, mom? If you just stopped calling. That'd be fine! Just fine! Of course I want to hear from you, but just stop calling. It's over. Over. Don't call no more.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oedipus
Crazy lady on cell (at the top of her lungs): Yo, douchebag! Where are my fucking children? I want to see my children. You owe my $10,000 in child support. And you know what? They're not even your kids! Ha! Oh, and my phone's dead.
–AirTrain
White girl on phone: Well, on the phone he doesn't even sound black. So just introduce him to your parents over the phone…
–28th & Broadway
Overheard by: Vanessa
Lunching lady: She's 718, acts like she's 212…but really, she's so 516!
–4 Train
Overheard by: JC
Chinese DVD lady: You want DVD? Spiderman, Pirates? All good new movies, you want?
People at table: No, thanks.
Tranny at next table (loudly): Yo mama you got any pornos in there? Hmm, I want something with dick in it, big dicks. You got anything?
–37th Ave Subway, After Gay Parade
Overheard by: Empty Refrigerator
Drunk man to couple in booth: Hey, hey, are you two siblings or are you dating?
Woman: We're siblings.
Drunk man: Are you sure? Because sometimes when I'm with my sister I tell people we're dating.
Man: Yeah, we're sure.
Drunk man: Okay, well, I'm going to Central City. How long do you think it would take to get there?
Man: Pennsylvania?
Drunk man: Yeah.
Man: By train or walking?
Drunk man: I'm gonna walk, motherfucker!
Man: At least a couple of hours. I think you're going to need a few more drinks.
Drunk man: Yeah man! (to woman) You look like you could be in Pirates.
Woman: Yeah, I get that a lot.
–Tick Tock Diner, 34th St
Old creepster: Do you have The Princess Bride?
Employee: Let me see. (goes to shelf) No, we don't have it.
Old creepster: It's the one that's got whatshername, Sean Wright Penn. It was the film that made her career.
Employee: Right, but…
Old creepster: She used to have hair down to her waist, but she had to cut it for this film. And the whole thing is a story told by Peter Falk, he's a pretty old guy…
Employee: Right, but we don't have it.
–Circuit City, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!
–Botanical Garden
Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.
–C Train
White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.
–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.
–42 St & 2nd Ave
Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!
–7th Ave & 26th
Overheard by: Todd
Professor: This episode contains a bunch of Jewish stereotypes, so I want to show a lot of it.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Overheard by: Hartley
Boy with chinstrap and McDreamy quaff: Yo man, you tellin' me you never heard the story about when we got chased down by 1,000 Jews?!
–7-Eleven, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Brandi, Anna and a bunch of other people
Stunning black girl with big afro, to nebbishy guy eating Chinese food: I can be Jewish in three months. Does it require any money? No! Fuck you! I can be Jewish in three months!
–back garden at madame x
Overheard by: Erica
Woman walking past Young Frankenstein posters: Oh my god! Mel Brooks is like my favorite old Jew ever!! Well, except for Moses and Abraham.
–Hilton Theater
Overheard by: Roy
Hipster on cell: Your friend just came up to me, grabbed my nose, and asked, "Are you Jewish?"
–Piano's Lounge
Overheard by: Brittany Smith
Mysterious and intense voice amid grunts and groans: Oh yeah! Give it to me, you fucking Jewish dickhead!
–Building, 46th & 10th
Overheard by: Not a Sexual AntiSemite
