Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

Ahem, It's “Chicken Lady“

Girl #1: I hate people who keep talking because they love the sound of their own voice! Like, unless you're gonna tell me about shoving a chicken up your vagina, I don't wanna hear it!
Girl #2: That's the second time we've talked about chicken girl and I still don't know her name.

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: chris k.

Posted on January 19, 2010
Birds, Brooklyn, Girls, Gripes, Names, Vagina

Don't Torment the Homeless, Dude

Hobo: Spare some change, fine-lookin' sir?
Suit: Would your name by any chance be Henry?
Hobo: Do I look like a mothafuckin' Henry? Hell no!
Suit: Well, that would be a correct assumption, as Henrys are usually successful.
Hobo: Well then, are you a Henry?
Suit, proudly: Yeah.
Hobo: Spare some change, good-lookin' Henry?
Suit: Nah.

–1 Train

Overheard by: i could've been a henry

Posted on January 8, 2010
Compliments, Hobos, Insults, Names, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Suits

Bye, Chippy!

Man to little dog with lady: Hi, what's your name?
Lady (for dog): My name is chippy.
Man: Hi chippy!
Lady: Hi! I'm getting my balls cut off on Thursday!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: erock

Posted on December 31, 2009
Balls, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Upper East Side, Women

Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: furf

Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!

–NYU

Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bikram Curious

Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: trapped@hunter

Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.

–49th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lara

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Drugs, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Kids, Magic, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Philosophy, Psychic, Rack, Science, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And Let's Not Forget About Gary Coleman! …Oh, Wait.

Guy #1: It's too bad, 'cuz the good child actors always grow up to be terrible adult actors.
Girl #1: Not always. You have people like Drew Barrymore…
Girl #2: Or Doogie Howser.
Guy #2: Neil Patrick Harris! He has a name!

–St. John the Divine Cathedral

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on December 10, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Names, Theater & Dance

Well, It's Not Porno

Guy: Yeah, I'm reading that in the Playbill.
Bimbo: Ew! You brought a porno magazine to a Broadway show?
Guy: No, no, no… Playbill. Not Playboy. It's a Broadway magazine.
Bimbo: Oh. (pauses) So wait, it's gay porno?

–8th Ave

Posted on December 3, 2009
Bimbettes, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Manhattan, Names, Porn, Questions, Show business, Stupidity

They Keep Sneaking Across the Border

Suit #1: I've been reading about this British kid, Elliot Castro, he's some big time credit card fraudster. I've got his book.
Suit #2: Castro?
Suit #1: Yeah.
Suit #2: A Castro from Britain?
Suit #1: Well, yeah, not British heritage I guess.
Suit #2: Oh, okay. (pause) They got a lot of Mexicans over there?

–Times Square

Posted on November 30, 2009
Books & Writing, Crime and Punishment, Names, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square

Or Have an IQ Above 50

Girl: Wow, you are really tall!
Guy: Yeah, I know…
Girl: No, seriously, you're like as tall as that Ying Yang guy!
Guy: What? Who? Oh, you mean Yao Ming?
Girl, laughing: Oh yeah, whatever, I don't watch baseball.

–NYU

Posted on November 19, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Guys, Names, NYU, Physical appearance, Sports

It's Bad Enough I Already Think About Aunt Phyllis

Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She's hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to think of my mom the whole time. I can't do it.

–Walker & Church

Posted on November 12, 2009
Advice, Bouncers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Names, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

Names

Ahem, It's “Chicken Lady“

Don't Torment the Homeless, Dude