Large black woman: Don't you want to sit down? You don't have a good balance.
Old Jewish man with walker: Not true! Last night, at around two am, a fairy came to me and said I had good balance!
Large black woman, shrugging: Alriiight!
–N Train
Overheard by: zach
Drunk girl #1: Excuse me! Can I bum a cigarette?
(annoyed woman hands her one while grumbling in Spanish)
Drunk girl #2: She said “puta”! She totally just called you a bitch!
Drunk girl #1: Well, I have the free cigarette, so who's the bitch now?
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Sam
Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!
–2nd Ave & 4th St
Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: eternal student
Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sara
Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!
–Park Ave & 31st St
Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!
–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side
Girl #1: Did you know, for my abortion… Well, my first one, anyway… I went by myself to the clinic and took a cab home? If I ever get knocked up again, will you come to the hospital with me?
Girl #2, without a hint of irony: I love hospitals.
Girl #3, deadpan: It's true. She really does love hospitals.
–Lafayette & Spring
Overheard by: Rori
NYU girl: Grande dirty chai with five shots of espresso.
Barista: You wanna die, bitch?
–Starbucks
Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"
–Chinatown
African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.
–Midtown
Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Tim
Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Where there's smoke
Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: People are wrong.
Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jeggy
5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!
–Cafeteria, Private School
Overheard by: Maddy
Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!
–Times Square
Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!
–1 Train
Drunk tourist on fire escape, yelling at 2 am: I love NY! If I move up here can I live with you?
Neighbor, yelling back: No!
–3rd St, Havemeyer
Woman in ridiculous fur coat: So I said, “do you want a blowjob or not?”
Bald man walking with her: I can't believe he even got it up.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Pat Q
NYU girl with cigarette, calling inside deli: You guys got champagne in here?
Clerk: No. Go away.
NYU girl: Okay! Thanks, bye!
Clerk, to self: Happy Monday.
–Broadway & 8th St
