Offers and requests

Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.

–Rckefeller Park

Overheard by: Maria

White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.

–29th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Lace

Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!

–74th St & Broadway

Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?

–PATH

Black comedy show promoter: Do you want to see a comedy show tonight?
Teenage white girl: Um…no.
Black promoter: Come on. Do you even like black people?
Teenage white girl, with huge smile on her face: Why yes! I love black people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Haefster

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

Boy: Can you close the window?
Substitute teacher, jumping onto the windowsill: Sure.
(class stares in disbelief)
Substitute teacher: What, haven't you ever had a ninja for a teacher before?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Not Really…

Teen girl: Anna told me you liked me?
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Why didn't you tell me or ask me out?
Teen guy: Well, I was afraid you would say no.
Teen girl: Why don't you ask me now and see what I say?
Teen guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Teen girl: Sorry, no.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Hugh

Guy: Please give me a quickie…maybe in the bathroom?
Girl: You just bought me coffee…let me finish it first.
Guy: The coffee can't wait?
Girl: It's a hell of a lot better than a quickie in the bathroom.

–Mimi's Cafe, Church & Chambers

Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Meghan

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole!

–Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side

Overheard by: globalvillageidiot

Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass?

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rei

Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous!

–13th St & University

Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them!

–1 Train

Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back!

–52nd & 6th

Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!

–2nd Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Christian

Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.

–West 72nd Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Will

Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wait, What?

30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.

–Central Park

Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.

–87th & 3rd

Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?

–Times Square

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush