Three-year-old boy: This is an iPhone, it can play YouTube videos.
Three-year-old girl: I know.
–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Art humanities professor: As you may have learned from the bible or emo music, Jesus was crucified.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Suit to another: Wow, there used to be a forest on your head. You look like an Irish Jesus.
–Office Building, 8th Ave
Overheard by: sitting in my cube with my ears wide open
Chick in miniskirt and fishnets: Fuck, it's cold! Jesus forgot to pay his heating bill!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Amber Star
Man to friend as they cross an intersection: Jesus Christ used to walk everywhere, so why can't we? You know whah-I'm-sayin'?
–Midtown
Overheard by: Ferna
Screaming fan girl, watching Robert Patterson sparkling shirtless in the sunlight: He's Jesus!
–14th St Regal Cinemas
Overheard by: laughing despite herself
Asian chick: Does he praise Jesus? Does he drink Scotch?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Shringle
Coworker #1: When I studied abroad in Germany I was…
Coworker #2 (interrupting): Oh, did you see the Great Wall?
Coworker #1: In China?
Coworker #2: No. (laughs) The one in Germany. Don't they have one in Germany?
Coworker #1: The Berlin wall? That's not there anymore.
Coworker #2: Oh. What a shame.
–Office, Midtown
Overheard by: get me out of finance
Girl #1: Yeah, and I read that Hitler didn't really make the trains run on time. You know how they say he made them run on time? He didn't. They were always late. I read a study.
Girl #2: Of course! Because Nazis are evil! Evil people can't make trains run on time!
–Ladies' Room, Office Holiday Party
Girl: So yeah, that was the most interesting lesbian relationship I've ever had, but she left me for her old science teacher. At least you know where you stand with guys. (sighs)
–Macy's
Overheard by: Nathan
Suit nearing retirement, to his department: Did you ever think that Hilary Clinton just has to be a lesbian?
–Office, Midtown West
Man: I noticed I get checked out the most by women when I'm with a woman, so I started hanging around with lesbians and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Hobo, to no one in particular: I'm not a thespian, I'm a lesbian. From Hoboken.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Eric
Crazy hobo: Hillary invented the lesbian vote. There was no lesbian vote before Hillary, she created it! Thirty million lesbians all lined up to vote, and you know what you have to do to get the lesbian vote? You've gotta squeeze it. You have to squeeze the lesbian. How do you get orange juice? You squeeze it! You gotta squeeze the lesbian to get the vote!
–E Train
Overheard by: an unsqueezed lesbian
Angry woman on cell: No, I'm not doing the lesbian thing tonight. No. I'll be home soon.
–Outside Lesbian Bar, Hudson St
Overheard by: lady
Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street.
–NoHo
Overheard by: me too
Middle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them!
–Dentist Office, Carroll Gardens
Suit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land!
–L Train
Girl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi… (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had…a shitty… experience in Bushwick.
–L Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Hipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude!
–23rd St & 8th St
Overheard by: alex
Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.
–Office Building, Park Avenue
Girl eating chocolate cake to woman in next cubicle: Oh my god, this is so good–I think even you would eat this cake.
Woman in next cubicle: I don't eat nothing coming off of Long Island.
–Random NYU Administration Office
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Account executive: So, who’d you vote for?
Creative director: Obama, he’s got cool logos.
–New York Ad Agency, Midtown
Female office worker: None of those mermaids had nipples.
Male office worker: Well, that’s because fish don’t nurse!
–Office Building, W 46th St
Overheard by: The Green Cat
