White guy: Baby, do you know how much I love you? (rubs the most sensitive part of her eye)
Asian woman: (long pause)
White guy: Did you hear me?
Asian woman: Okay… You know what? I love affection, but I am not getting any younger and you're making my crow's foot worse!
–F Train
Overheard by: BJ
Woman: This is why I don’t ride this train. Now help me figure out how to get back to Harlem where it’s safe.
–G train
(group of black teenagers board the train)
Teenage girl: Goddamn, there are a lot of people on this train.
Middle-aged Mexican woman: How dare you? How dare you! I am a Christian and I will not put up with this. Not on my train. You are disrespecting our Lord and every Christian on this train! God sent his beloved son Jesus down to the earth to save our souls, and I will not put up with hearing you speak against him. I am a Christian and… Nah, I’m just fucking with ‘ya.
–E Train
Overheard by: fusoya
Two boys, both about 10, are thoroughly engrossed in their Game Boys.
First boy: My mother’s a lesbian.
Second boy: So is mine.
–#1 Train
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket?
–6 train
Punk chick: So how much should I take out?
Punk guy: Yeah, you should take out like $7,000. Or better yet $10,000. Better too much than too little.
Punk chick: OK…
Punk guy: Yeah, but wait until we get out of the city to take it out, like Long Island. You don’t want to be walking around Brooklyn with that kind of cash…it would be like b-boy lottery.
–A train
Girl #1, feeling her breasts: Oh my gosh! I know I’m not fat or anything, but my boobs are so heavy!
Girl #2: Uhhh, yeah…
Girl #1: Something’s wrong — they are way too heavy. Feel them!
Girl #2: Um, I don’t think–
Girl #1: –Just do it, seriously!
Girl #2, holding breast: They feel okay…
Girl #1: I think they’re too heavy. Actually hold them.
Girl #2, tightening grip: Uh, have I never told you I’m bisexual?
Girl #1: Oh… Well… Have you ever wanted to date me or something?
Girl #2: Not date you… But I’ve always wanted to have a threesome with you.
–F train
Woman: I’m sorry, I have to admit, I’ve been reading over your shoulder. I kept seeing the word ‘creepy,’ and I was intrigued.
Girl: Oh, yeah, it’s feedback from a writing workshop I’m in.
Woman: For a story you wrote?
Girl: Yeah.
Woman: It sounds so interesting based on what people wrote about it. I’d love to read it some day! What’s it about?
Girl: It’s a necrophilia love story…
–1 train
Older man: Hey, can I ask you about that digital camera you have?
20-something guy: Yeah, sure. Thinking of buying one for your kid or someone?
Older man: When you take pictures on that thing, do you have to bring it to the photo store still to get developed?
20-something guy: Oh, no. I mean, you can and they can do it for you, but I usually just print–
Older man: –You can print them at home, right? Okay, good, because I sometimes take personal pictures, and I hesitate to bring them to the photo store. Doing it in private would be better for me. Now, I can delete them or save them in a secret hiding place at home too… Right?
20-something guy: … Uh, I suppose.
–6 train, Union Square
Overheard by: Matty K
Black guy: Yeah, Superman — he hangs out around 42nd Street. He might go uptown every once in a while, but you never see his ass in Brooklyn. That’s ridiculous — Superman can not be killed by bullets, and he still won’t come to Brooklyn.
Black lady: You’re right. What about Batman?
Black guy: Oh, he probably has to come through Brooklyn — you know, that brother lives out on Long Island.
Black lady: He probably comes through Brooklyn, but you know he’s not getting out of that Batmobile.
Black guy: I’m sure he’s damn careful when he stops, too. Those are some ballin’ rims he’s got on that whip. If he ever parked, them shits would definitely get stolen!
–3 train
Overheard by: Chris
