A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Posted on December 15, 2019
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Choke, Cum, Fashion, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Prostitution, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners, American Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street!

–Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear

JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog.

–in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave

Posted on November 13, 2019
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Getting Jolie'd, JAPs, Jews, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village, Tourists, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-liners Are Just Semantics

Shopping girl: Look, those are pre-viewed! Wait, what does that mean?

–Tower Records, Union Square South

Woman on cell: I’m not a HOOKER! I’m a PROSTITUTE you piece of shit fuck!

–In front of Barnes & Noble, Union Square North

Overheard by: Jenna Carlson

Posted on October 31, 2019
Manhattan, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Posted on October 15, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Firemen, Food, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Men, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Relationships, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners Are Not Very Good People

Man on cell: Well, she wants a two bedroom in a great neighborhood and all this other shit…Where the hell does she think she’s moving to? She couldn’t find a place like that in New Orleans.

–100th & Broadway

Posted on October 6, 2019
Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.

–Downtown 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: i don't like stuff either

Posted on September 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Psychology, Punks, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Infectious Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I said to myself ‘he’s never going to make it’, he’s a drug freak, he has three STDs. But you proved me wrong, my friend

–Columbia Journalism School Graduation Reception

Overheard by: Mooching the Free Food

Queer on cell: I had three staph infections last year — one from the gym shower and the other two from the Roxy, but we won’t go into that.

–11th St & 2nd Ave

Surly truck driver: Yeah, the test results came back positive… but I’m not going to tell her.

–W 57th

Overheard by: Greg H.

Posted on September 18, 2019
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, One-liners

Wednesday One-Liners Read Body Language

Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.

–E 5th & 2nd Ave

Posted on September 7, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Gadgets, Gangstas, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women