Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Posted on October 15, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Firemen, Food, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Men, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Relationships, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-liners Are Not Very Good People

Man on cell: Well, she wants a two bedroom in a great neighborhood and all this other shit…Where the hell does she think she’s moving to? She couldn’t find a place like that in New Orleans.

–100th & Broadway

Posted on October 6, 2019
Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.

–Downtown 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: i don't like stuff either

Posted on September 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Psychology, Punks, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Infectious Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I said to myself ‘he’s never going to make it’, he’s a drug freak, he has three STDs. But you proved me wrong, my friend

–Columbia Journalism School Graduation Reception

Overheard by: Mooching the Free Food

Queer on cell: I had three staph infections last year — one from the gym shower and the other two from the Roxy, but we won’t go into that.

–11th St & 2nd Ave

Surly truck driver: Yeah, the test results came back positive… but I’m not going to tell her.

–W 57th

Overheard by: Greg H.

Posted on September 18, 2019
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, One-liners

Wednesday One-Liners Read Body Language

Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.

–E 5th & 2nd Ave

Posted on September 7, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Gadgets, Gangstas, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Get Railroaded

Conductor: Check around, make sure you have all of your belongings. If you have small children, make sure you hold onto them. (in haunting tone) Wouldn't want to see them disappear…into the gap.

–Metro-North Line

Overheard by: Jess

Train conductor on PA: The last car is the quiet car. No cell phones or loud conversations please. If you need to have a conversation, please do so silently.

–Penn Station

Conductress, in monotone: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough….in the borough of Manhattan.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Conductor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin' for the local train on the other platform: hey yo! We over here!

–14th Street Station

MTA conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train will be out of commission, uh…right now. Get out!

–MetroNorth Train

Overheard by: Kellin

Train conductor: Ladies and gentleman, brace for impact. (pause) Nah…just kidding, I could never pull that shit off. Y'all lucky we underground! Have a safe day.

–A Train

Posted on August 17, 2019
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Conductors, Directions, Kids, NYC Geography, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Nuts for Wednesday One-liners

Chris Noth: I talked to her for 10 minutes and figured out she was crazy.

–15th & Irving

Overheard by: Ameha Beyene

Posted on July 8, 2019
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Celebrities Overheard, Crazies, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Violence, We Love Our Pets

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires