Wednesday One-Liners, Approximately

Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: People are wrong.

Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jeggy

5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!

–Cafeteria, Private School

Overheard by: Maddy

Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!

–Times Square

Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!

–1 Train

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Height, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, School, Science, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Peanuts

Woman #1: We did it on his lunch break in a hotel by that cafe we like.
Woman #2: So I'm guessing it was quick?
Woman #1: Yeah, like one of those cartoons.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Mark

Posted on December 26, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Pop Culture, Sex, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Believing the Insane Are Touched by God, Vendors Leave Them Alone

Vendor, brandishing CD: Where are you from?
Girl in anime shirt and Naruto headband: I'm from Naruto!
(vendor walks away)

–46th St & Broadway

Posted on November 29, 2009
Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers

A Pantless, Anthropomorphized Pig: The Universal Language

Old, foreign Asian, looking through comic book collection: Want a Looney Tunes with Porky Pig on the cover!
Vendor, turning to stranger: Porky fucking Pig, man!

–Flea Market, 23rd St

Posted on November 21, 2009
Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Insults, Old People, Pop Culture, Store, Strangers, Vendors & Street Performers, Wishes & desires

Meet the Chubby Elle Woods

Girl to boyfriend mocking her for not swiping credit card properly: Ken! Don't you dare make fun of me!! I've had a really hard day!
Ken: Why? What happened?
Girl, choking: I failed my mid-terms. (suddenly swipes her card angrily) All I want right now is my Cosmopolitan and candy bar. That's all I ask of life!

–Store, 59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Frank S

Posted on June 30, 2009
Anger Management, Boyfriends, Food, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Pop Culture, Store, Wishes & desires

Why Bands Break Up: Explained

Band member #1: I'm feeling a little like Calvin and Hobbes with this cardboard time machine here.
Band member #2: I don't know what you're talking about.

–Ars Nova, W 54th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on May 18, 2009
Comebacks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, Pop Culture, Theater, Weirdness

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Posted on October 8, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Guys, Hobos, Lies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pop Culture, President, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, U.S. Geography, War, White People, Women, Yuppies

Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Business and Commerce, Drunks, Education, Fat People, Fears, Fordham, Gender issues, Jews, Languages, Latinos, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Rockefeller Center, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Not Even If I Gave It a Little Doorag?

Little boy: Daddy, daddy! I wanna make a bear!
Buff dad: Nigga, I done told you a thousand times, thugs don’t make bears! [Tiny black boy bursts into tears.]

–Outside of Build a Bear Workshop, at 6th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on April 6, 2008
Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pop Culture, Store, Street, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

In the End, They Found an Umbrella Category for All Three: Virgin

Guy #1: Okay, so, important question: fantasy or science fiction?
Girl: Both! Oh, totally both!
Guy #2: I’m not even going to lie here. I really like those Magic cards.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: SCS

Posted on March 15, 2008
Books & Writing, Columbia, Default, Guys, Pop Culture, Questions

Pop Culture