Questions

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

When I Get My Holocaust Gold Back, Then We'll Talk

Asian yuppie: Plus, I wanna know when I'm going to get my share of those statues!
Jewish hipster: Just because you look like the Qin emperor doesn't mean you deserve to get his stuff.
Asian yuppie: Well, if not me, then who?

–1 Train

This Time We’ll Watch Softball and Drink Beer

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here, I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby.

–M&M Store, Times Square

And You Should See My Dishwasher

NYU kid #1: Who wouldn’t want sex toys?
NYU kid #2: Well, I already have so many. I don’t have clothes in my drawers, they’re full of sex toys!

–Washington Square Park

Or, As I Like to Call It, a “Circle Of Joy”…Why Are You Laughing?

Student #1, commenting on hole in graph: Is it a black hole?
Student #2, sarcastically: No, a red hole.
Teacher, writing on brown blackboard: It's a brown hole.
(class bursts into laughter)

–Math Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Meyers-Briggs Questions That Didn’t Make It

Gucci girl #1: Okay, let’s play ‘Would You Rather?’!
Gucci girl #2: Okay.
Gucci girl #1: Would you rather… be an auto mechanic or… die of breast cancer?

–F train

Overheard by: My sister

Like Deciding to Scare the Shit Out of My Own Kids

Dad walking and holding hands of nine and ten year old daughters: Do you know what the abyss is? It’s when you stare into nothing and nothing stares back at you.
Daughters: [bewildered silence].
Dad: Do you understand? I want you to see that it’s a state of mind.

–E 4th St near 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dan

You’ll Have to Pry It from My Cold, Dead Hands

[guy takes a flyer]Flyer guy: Hey, do you want to know about…
Guy interrupting: No.
[guy goes into revolving door and flyer guy follows him into the same section of the door and stops it]Flyer guy: Don’t be such a jerkwad, I want my flyer back.

–68th St Loews

Overheard by: LSB

What? Sex?

Eight-year old boy, barely audibly: Do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Do I have sex? (pause) Well…
Eight-year old boy, slightly more audibly: Naw, do you have any kid's shoes?
Middle aged clerk: Kids? Yes. I've got one 24 and one 19. I know they're not really kids, but they still seem like it to me.
Eight-year-old boy: Naw, naw! (loudly) I said “do you have any kid's shoes?”

–Shoe Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eremi

I Would Totally Breed With Her

Suit #1: Oh hey, how did dinner with Karen go the other night?
Suit #2: Oh man, she is so hot. She looks like…like a golden retriever. Too bad she has a boyfriend.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Have been told I look like a Burmese cat

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