White People Wish They Were Wednesday One-Liners

Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical

Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.

–Steinway St

Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: kpan

Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?

–Uptown W Train

Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.

–W 14th & 6th

Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.

–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Black People, Classroom, Colors, Friends, Girls, Hair, Height, Kids, KKK, NYU, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Kentucky Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ed

Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: BKLover

Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Mawy

Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.

–73rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on July 8, 2009
Birds, Black People, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Food, Friends, God, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Race, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Guess How Many Licks It Takes to Get to the Center

Perky volunteer selling candy: Hi! Would you like to buy a chocolate vagina?
Black woman: No, thank you, I already have my own chocolate vagina!

–V-Day Event, W 36th St

Overheard by: Rita

Posted on July 6, 2009
Black People, Colors, Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Parades & Festitivites, Race, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

A White Person Would Be Too Chicken to Make That Comment

Black woman #1: Well, at least there's still that KFC.
Black woman #2: No, it's not there anymore!
Black woman #1: What? It's scary when there isn't even a KFC in a black neighborhood anymore.

–39th St & 8th Ave

Posted on July 2, 2009
Black People, Fears, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Race, Women

They Were Feeling Their Oats When We Played 'em

White hipster teen, about basketball team: So are you guys good?
White hipster friend: Yeah, dude! I mean, we win against like black schools and shit. We just beat Brooklyn Friends last week.
White hipster teen: Dude, Brooklyn Friends is not a black school! Brooklyn Friends is a Quaker school!

–60th St & Amsterdam

Posted on July 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Questions, Race, School and studying, Sports, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

Forty-Year-Old Wirgins

Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we're boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we're Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Headline by: Doc Dan

Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” – Patrick
· “Every Asian GirlÂ´s ParentsÂ´ Wet Dream!” – Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” – What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” – wirrrn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on June 29, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Video Games, Wishes & desires

Never Met a Buppie Before?

Girl ordering patties: I'd like a beef and a veggie patty.
Guy working at patty shop: Before I get those, I want to say you are beautiful. I bet you've heard that five times today.
Girl: Oh, thanks, I've just been working out for an hour. Well, I've been doing yoga.
Guy: Yoga? But you're black!
Girl: Black people do yoga, too!

–Jamaican Pride, Flatbush

Overheard by: Chris R.

Posted on June 25, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Ethnic Food, Girls, Pick-up Lines, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, Yoga

It's My Own Fault for Serving Pulled Pork

White dude to black friend: Do you want to see my meat?
Asian dude, to no one in particular: You know, the stereotype isn't true. It isn't true!
Flustered party hostess: This is so not what I need to hear right now.

–W 11th St

Posted on June 25, 2009
Asians, Black People, Friends, Guys, Lies, Offers and requests, Penis, Race, The Village, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

…We'll Call Person B “Jamal”

Teacher, pointing to three figures on board: Now, greeny is on his computer sending an e-mail to reddy, who is on the phone with blacky.
Student: Blacky?
Teacher: Oh, dear. Person A is on the phone with person B…

–Millennium High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on June 23, 2009
Fast Times at New York High, Lower Manhattan, Questions, Race, School and studying, Science, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

…in Between Rounds Of Square Dancing.

Little boy to older sister: Look at that ugly bird.
Older sister, bored: Yeah, wow.
Little boy: I wanna crash it…stupid bird.
Older sister: Don't do that baby, it's not nice.
Little boy: Why not? I just wanna crash it.
Older sister: Because serial killers kill animals when they're little.
Little boy: What's a serial killer?
Older sister: It's something white people do for fun.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I have yet to kill anyone

Posted on June 15, 2009
Beauty, Birds, Brooklyn, Brothers, Kids, Murder, Questions, Race, Should've Used a Condom, Sisters, Stupidity, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Race

Never Met a Buppie Before?