White girl: Opera.
Salvadoran guy: Like the black chick?
White girl: No, that's Oprah.
–Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
White girl: Opera.
Salvadoran guy: Like the black chick?
White girl: No, that's Oprah.
–Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
History geek: You laugh, but where would you be without the 18th century? The 20th century, not the 21st, that's where.
–New York Historical Society
Overheard by: Emily B.
Little boy looking at book about Presidents: I see John F. Kennedy, and I see Abraham Lincoln, and I see… what's his name? Hilary's wife?
–BookCourt, Brooklyn
20-something girl: There's this guy in my class who's like an Indian. But, I keep reading these things about how we were so horrible to the Indians and how there are none left, so where did he come from? Like, if there are none left, where did he come from?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Beth!
Woman to daughter: You know what Henry VIII ruled with? He ruled with his dick!
–Penn Station
Teenage girl on cell, yelling: Victorian era lesbians! Not Edwardian! Lesbians weren't nearly hot enough in the Edwardian era! Yeah, we should probably watch it together.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: I really hope it's porn
Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.
–108 St & Broadway
Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!
–17th St & 8th Ave
Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike
Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Green Star
10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: H-Bomb
Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Good Samaritan, rushing in: Chad told me to ask you for your first aid kit. Do you know Chad? Some lady got hit by a taxi!
Cashier: Yeah, he's our boss.
(they leave with kit, cook returns a few minutes later)
Cook: Yo, Chad's a hero. That woman's head was in a pool of blood. She's gonna need more than that first aid kit.
Cashier: It would be a guy named Chad who stops to help someone laying in the street. Most people see that and say “Yo, I gotta get to work.” You never see an Omar or Carlos stop to help someone. It would be a guy named Chad!
–Zen Burger, 45th & Lexington
Overheard by: – My friend Chad is serving in Iraq and is a hero too!
Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical
Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.
–Steinway St
Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kpan
Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?
–Uptown W Train
Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.
–W 14th & 6th
Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.
–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square
Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.
–52nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ed
Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: BKLover
Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Mawy
Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.
–73rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Perky volunteer selling candy: Hi! Would you like to buy a chocolate vagina?
Black woman: No, thank you, I already have my own chocolate vagina!
–V-Day Event, W 36th St
Overheard by: Rita
Black woman #1: Well, at least there's still that KFC.
Black woman #2: No, it's not there anymore!
Black woman #1: What? It's scary when there isn't even a KFC in a black neighborhood anymore.
–39th St & 8th Ave
White hipster teen, about basketball team: So are you guys good?
White hipster friend: Yeah, dude! I mean, we win against like black schools and shit. We just beat Brooklyn Friends last week.
White hipster teen: Dude, Brooklyn Friends is not a black school! Brooklyn Friends is a Quaker school!
–60th St & Amsterdam
Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we're boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we're Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn't have to wear my glasses anymore!
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emma
Headline by: Doc Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” – Patrick
· “Every Asian Girl´s Parents´ Wet Dream!” – Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” – What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” – wirrrn
