Girl #1: Oh my god! I love, like, a good avocado. Like a really flavorful, ripe, good avocado. When they're, like, really good for you.
Girl #2: Yeah, and olives.
Girl #1: Oh my god. Olives.
–Alphabet City
Girl #1: Oh my god! I love, like, a good avocado. Like a really flavorful, ripe, good avocado. When they're, like, really good for you.
Girl #2: Yeah, and olives.
Girl #1: Oh my god. Olives.
–Alphabet City
Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.
–Outside Fairway, 72nd St
Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!
–Spiegelworld
Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!
–Pratt Institute
Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"
–Pathmark
Overheard by: Another band geek
30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: KTizzle
Guy #1: Oh my god, they have ribbed ones.
Guy #2: And flavored. Shit, I got to get a flavored one.
Guy #1: Awesome, flavored condoms are awesome!
Guy #2: They are. They are freaking awesome!
(guy #1 notices man at urinal).
Guy #1: Dude, we’re not gay.
–O’Hanlon’s Bar, 14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dude
Lady, seeing long line for toilet: What a long line! Is there anyone in the men's room? I'll use it, why not? It's the same! (Knocks on door, gets no answer. Opens door)
Lady: Woooooo! The smell!
(stands there for 30 seconds with grimace, complaining)
Poor little boy, coming out of bathroom, in shaky voice: There's… There's no one else in there.
–School, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Funky Monkey
Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!
–2nd Ave & 9th
Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!
–Times Square
Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?
–Astor Place
Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!
–Babies"R"Us, Union Square
Overheard by: miziz
Woman leaving K-Mart: What the hell smells like piss?
(hobo with cart full of belongings begins to walk towards her and almost hits her)
Woman: You better watch where you pushing your fucking house!
–K-Mart
Overheard by: I love NYC!
Guy #1: Yeah, she was really upset. You can just tell when girls get upset.
Guy #2: They smell different.
Guy #3: Their vaginas get all crinkly.
Guy #2: They smell like… dolphins.
Guy #3: And they turn all white.
Guy #2 to guy #1: You learned something today.
–8th St & University Pl
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
–Fordham Universityy
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
–Yeshiva University
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
–Hunter college
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Hipster: I have to confess a deep dark secret to you.
Girl: Okay?
Hipster: I know the taste of my own cum.
–Union Square
Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!
–5th Ave
Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.
–F Train
Overheard by: Teabag
Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sounds yummy
Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: vicky
Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.
–42nd St & 10th Ave
