Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And Yet She Claims to Be My Psychic Friend?

Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #1: So I'm like she doesn't even know me! So I go to her, “Do you even know me?” cause she don't even know me!
Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #2: She doesn't even know you.

–Pax, E 52nd St

Posted on February 15, 2018
Coworkers, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Weirdness, Words

Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?

–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Posted on February 13, 2018
Default, Diet/Weight, Goths, Guys, Instruments, Music, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Video Games, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Me: OMG! WTF? Him: Buh-Bye.

Chick: Do you know how I finally realized I was over him?
Friend: How?
Chick: In the past five years this was the first time I didn’t print out our AIM conversation.
Friend: Wow, that’s great.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Trace

Posted on February 9, 2018
Breaking Up, Chat, Friends, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System

Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Democrat

Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: Chuckell

Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.

–Washington Square Park

Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! "Dream ticket!" That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…

–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PdQ

Posted on February 4, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Ferry, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Parks, Politics, President, Questions, Store, Street, Threats, Washington Square Park, Wheelbos, Women

Was It Hard to Learn All That Spanish?

Gap employee #1: What's your major again?
Gap employee #2: French studies.
Gap employee #1: Oh yeah, you're all into London and shit, right?

–The Gap

Posted on December 30, 2017
9 to 5-ers, Education, Global Geography, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Janie Got a Wednesday One-Liner

Voice over employee's walkie-talkie: Okay, I really need those guns. Anyone who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Obnoxious woman: So I said, "motherfucker, I'm not your sister–I'm your cousin. So I will shoot you."

–Uptown 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain't got no bullets, you gotsta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hopper, trying to sell CD: It's clean music, and I ain't never shot no one!

–Union Square

20-something guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it's over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily Davidson

Dude, after chatting to policewoman: I just have a thing for women in uniform! My mind says, "no, no, settle down," and my penis says, "but she's got a gun!"

–Hudson & Laight

Posted on December 29, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Cops, Family Ties, Fat People, Guys, Insults, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Shoot, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Laura

Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Fire Claims Lives of Hundreds of Potter Freaks; Arson Suspected

Frat boys shouting: Voldemort! Voldemort!
Gryffindor girl to friend: If that fucking Slytherin reads the last page aloud to me, I swear I’m going to shove this fucking wand up his nose!

–Harry Potter Midnight Madness Party, Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Pat Miller

Posted on December 8, 2017
Books & Writing, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Store

Everybody's Like This After Paying the U-Haul Bill

Woman: I'll tell you why.
Man: Okay.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No. Woman, do you know why?
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No, but I would like to know.
Woman: I don't know either.

–U-Haul Store, The Bronx

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on December 7, 2017
Default, Men, Questions, Store, The Bronx, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words