[A couple are looking in the mirror.]Man: Why don’t you ever say anything when my glasses are all wonky?
Woman: Say anything?
Man: Yeah, like you wonky cunt.
–Bloomingdale’s, 3rd Ave
[A couple are looking in the mirror.]Man: Why don’t you ever say anything when my glasses are all wonky?
Woman: Say anything?
Man: Yeah, like you wonky cunt.
–Bloomingdale’s, 3rd Ave
Bookstore girl to six-year-old in suit: Hey little boy, are you lost? Where is your nanny?
Six-year-old: I don't know, but I see my driver outside!
–Bookstore, Upper East Side
Overheard by: AlphaNYC
Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.
–Williamsburg
College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Stephen
Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.
–City University of New York
Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!
–American Apparel
Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!
–New York Institute of Technology
Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt
Tourist lady: Man, there must be something going on in New York today!
Flustered man: It’s called Christmas, bitch.
–Disney Store, 5th Ave & 55th
Lady over loudspeaker: Would a customer named *Amanda please report to checkout ten. *Amanda, please report to checkout ten.
[Pause of about 45 seconds.]Lady over loudspeaker: *Amanda, please report to checkout ten. You mom is here and her back hurts.
–Pathmark-Atlantic Center Brooklyn
Overheard by: Bart Procacci
Guy: So what gets rid of dark spots, then?
Cashier chick: Nothing here. Try buying some vitamin E oil.
Guy: Whale blubber?
–Kiehl’s, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: michael neal
Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?
–9th & 47th
Overheard by: wondering
Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!
–W 72nd St, Record Store
Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…
(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!
–KMart, Penn Station
Overheard by: RoverUSA
Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.
–M15 Bus
Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…
–86th St & Lexington
Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.
–Dumbo, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tanya
Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.
–64th & Amsterdam
Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!
–Target Store, Brooklyn
Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.
–28th & Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Alie
Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?
–61st & Amsterdam
Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #1: So I'm like she doesn't even know me! So I go to her, “Do you even know me?” cause she don't even know me!
Corporate-dressed ghetto girl #2: She doesn't even know you.
–Pax, E 52nd St
Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?
–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Kate Melvin
