Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Locate Carmen Sandiego

Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.

–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel

Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.

–Starbucks, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!

–Rockefeller Center

NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.

–Union Square

Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?

–34th St & 8th Ave

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coney Island, Drag queens, Girls, Guys, Hotels, Insults, Lies, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Starbucks, Students, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Could You Use “Wednesday One-Liners” in a Sentence?

Girl to friend: I know, man! I was like, "Expelliarmus!"

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Bahnahd

College guy to his friends: If you use the word "status quo" in a paper, you're guaranteed to get at least an A.

–Cental Park

Overheard by: dizzle

Smug dude: He told me he needed a dictionary to have a conversation with me. I mean, just because instead of saying…um…like…well, instead of a short word…I use a big one.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ivory Girl

Old man to another: What's that word mean, "egotistical"? You blindsided me with that word! Egotistical!

–Reading Room, Bryant Park

Overheard by: Jessie

Woman on cell: You never heard of tilapia? You got to get out of the hood!

–St. John's & Classon

Overheard by: Mollie

Posted on January 28, 2009
Animals & Nature, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bryant Park, Central Park, Film, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

He May Just Want to Protect Himself from Giant Fake Nails

Young coed #1: What's with him and hands? He's all about hands. It's weird. He touches every chick's hand and looks at them. What is that?
Young coed #2 (whispering): Hand jobs.
(both laugh hysterically)
Young coed #1: Uuuum, really? What does that mean? He's visualizing?

–A Train

Overheard by: amy d

Posted on January 24, 2009
Body Parts, Hand-Jobs, Laughter, On the Subway, Questions, Students

Project Wednesday One-Linerway

Boy on cell: A swimsuit and a medal? That's a lot of clothes to wear. Hello? Hello?

–NYU

Overheard by: Xy

Man to other sitting on sidewalk: Dude… you know, gloves actually make your hands colder. They're not worth it, man.

–Astor Place

Small Middle Eastern male cashier to white girl: You are wearing things all black! Black bag, black coat, black hair. The only thing not black is you!

–Duane Reade

NYU hipster: People wearing white are in a cult, okay?

–NYU

Overheard by: Boots

Blind lady carrying cane, pointing to clothing on rack: Oh, this this looks good!

–Kmart, 34th St

Overheard by: AussieinNYC

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Cashiers, Clothing, Colors, Duane Reade, Girls, Hair, Handicaps, Hipsters, Men, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Religion, Store, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Women

Which Was Saddam's First Mistake

Columbia girl, looking at cell phone: Oh shit, I have like five missed calls from State Department! Should I call them back? Is it too late now?
Columbia guy, bewildered: What? The State Department?
(girl's cell phone rings)
Columbia girl: Hi, daddy. Well, I realize that, but I just got them. Well, do you think it's too late to call back now? Okay, I'll call them ASAP.
Columbia guy: What did your dad say?
Columbia girl: He told me that when the State Department calls, you should probably answer.

–Le Monde, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: bored prof

Posted on January 17, 2009
Cell Phone, Girls, Government, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Time

The Bronx Is East of the Sun and West of the Moon

5-foot Asian high school girl to friend: So where is your college anyway?
5-foot Asian college friend: Umm…in the Bronx.
5-foot Asian high school girl: Is that like north of the city or something?
5-foot Asian college friend: Umm…maybe, but I don't think so.

–Rilo Kiley Concert, Terminal 5

Posted on January 15, 2009
Asians, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Questions, School and studying, Students, Stupidity

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

You Tell Me Your Dreams and I'll Tell You Mine

Math professor to sleeping student: Hey, are you okay?
Student: Nuh?
Math professor to class: Well, I've rarely killed someone during a lecture, but I must be breaking new ground today.

–Hunter College

Posted on January 11, 2009
Hunter, Murder, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liner Menthols

Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!

–33rd & Park Ave

Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.

–74th & Lexington

Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: innocent bystander

High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!

–Chambers St

Posted on January 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cleanliness, Clothing, College, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Food, Girls, Hobos, Infidelity, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

Students