Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: Laura

Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!

–Times Square

Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.

–111th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.

–West End & 77th St

Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?

–University Place

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Do Film Majors Have Souls? Show Your Work.

Guy: Matt is making me watch Schindler's List.
Girl: I like the part where they kill the Jews.
Guy: Yes, that's a very well-executed scene.

–91st & 3rd

Posted on July 5, 2010
Film, Girls, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Judaism, Movies, Murder, Stupidity, Upper East Side

The Perfect Start to Our Low-Fat Life Together

Girl #1, bending down on one knee: Darling, I love you with all my heart, and I hope to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you gladly take the honor of being my bride?
Girl #2: I have to think about this.
Girl #1: We can have the reception at Pinkberry.
Girl #2: Well… In that case, of course!

–Bard High School Queens

Overheard by: Delilah

Posted on July 5, 2010
Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Love, Queens, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

Tonight's Movie: They're Just Not That Into Jew

White man: Obama's lettin' in all the Jews, man! I'm tellin' you–1.25 million Jews! This park is gonna be overrun with Jews!
Woman with swastika tattoo: When I was in jail… (inaudible) gangrene… (inaudible) elephantiasis of the foot!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Helene

Posted on July 4, 2010
Health and Hygiene, Men, Parks, President, Prison, Race, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

Unless I Wore the Ronald Reagan Mask.

Guy trying to sell condoms with Obama on them: Obama condoms, folks! Only $5!
Teenage girl #1: I bet those are good for hard times!
Teenage girl #2: That's the kind of stimulus package I'm talkin' bout!
Teenage girl #1: Oh my god! You should get some for you and Bobby!
Teenage girl #2: No way! He's a Republican! He wouldn't fuck me for a whole week if I asked him to wear one!!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: i bought 2 of those.

Posted on June 27, 2010
Battery Park, Condoms, Erections, Money & Class, Parks, President, Sex, Stupidity, Teens, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-Liners: Large and in Charge

Exhausted woman with backpack: Why do I have to be so fat?

–42nd St

Gossip Girl clone to another: Oh my god! Can you even imagine being obese in this weather?

–Lafayette & Spring

Skinny gangster white boy: Yo, dude, are we hanging out with those fat chicks?

–96th St & Lexington

Overheard by: great standards

Chubby girl yelling on cell: Yeah, and her bridesmaid dress totally accentuates my back fat–as if I didn't have enough problems!

–47th & 3rd

Posted on June 23, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Dating, Diet/Weight, Gangstas, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Skinny People, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Play the Moronica

Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.

–Lunasa Bar, East Village

Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.

–B46 Bus

Overheard by: Brooklynluva

Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.

–125th St & Riverside

Overheard by: nearby park bather

Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.

–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street

Posted on June 23, 2010
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parks, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Well, He Did Say New York– Not New Yorkers.

Old British man: I would take New York over any city.
American woman: Even England?

–87th & 2nd

Posted on June 21, 2010
Brits, Global Geography, Old People, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women

Notice That Little Puddle on the Floor?

Out-of-place preppy: Hey, I think that's Grace. Isn't that Grace, dude? Grace! Grace!
Not Grace: Nope, sorry. It's Beth, actually. (keeps walking)
Not Grace's girlfriend: You know, you didn't have to tell them your real name.
Not Grace: I know, I just got excited.

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: Also Not Grace.

Posted on June 20, 2010
Girlfriends, Manhattan, Names, Preppies, Strangers, Street, Stupidity

…He'd Like a Large Pepperoni Pizza, Please.

Construction man to Indian restaurant server: Can I get a chicken lo mein?
Server: Uh… That's Chinese food, this is an Indian food restaurant. The Chinese take-out is next door, but it's closed.
Construction man to walkie talkie: Hey, Charlie, this is a Thai place and they don't have chicken lo mein. Want something else instead?

–Indian Restaurant, Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: HungryMan

Posted on June 20, 2010
Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Ethnic Food, India Indians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Waiters

Stupidity