Girl on cell: Yeah, he liked me–well, not, like, like liked, but liked.
–40th & 8th
Girl on cell: Yeah, he liked me–well, not, like, like liked, but liked.
–40th & 8th
Tween boy #1: He's such a douche!
Tween boy #2: Yeah, totally!… What is a “douche” anyway?
Tween boy #1: I think it's an old Dutch woman.
–6th Ave & 4th St
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Short girl, trying to reach a shelf: John*, I need your height.
John*: I'm 6'2″.
–112th St & Central Park West
Bus driver: Everybody move to the back of the bus!
Middle school student being pushed toward the back, indignantly: Yo, I be like the young male Latino Rosa Parks!
–BX 9 Bus
Overheard by: Scheherazade
Drunken blonde: Are you okay?
Drunken brunette: I got locked in the bathroom!
Drunken blonde: You are so great. Can you be my assistant in life?
Drunken brunette: Let's get something to eat. Make sure I get home okay.
(blonde puts arm around brunette)
Drunken brunette: Whosa this?
Drunken blonde: Me!
Drunken brunette: I'm sleeping.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Must have been a good night?
Vegan on elevator to friend: Honey… that's not vegan.
Friend: It's not? But it don't kill no bees?
Vegan: But it comes from an animal, remember: anything that has a mommy. Honey is kind of gross anyway, it's bee spit.
Friend: Damn! That's some tasty-ass spit, though, isn't it? I would tongue a bee. In a heartbeat!
Vegan, ignoring last phrase: What else? Marshmallows, they have horse bones in them…
–31st St
Irritated tourist mother to baffled seven-year-old daughter: Your father is such a fuckin' dickwad! And let me tell you–he wasn't even inspired the night we made you.
–Times Square
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Guy on cell: I haven't talked to my dad in over three years, and this morning he friended me on Facebook.
–1st Ave & 89th Street
Overheard by: Citats
Guy on cell: Well, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my father, no. Umm… Well, for example, if he answers the phone when I call the house he says "Oh. Hey, failure."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Olivia
Woman on cell to friend: Uh-huh girl, I brought William to his donors' house and he didn't want to watch him. I said "William, William, say goodbye to your donor because he don't wanna watch you today."
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Upper East Side girl at brunch with girlfriends: I need to find a new apartment because when I do the walk of shame I keep running into my dad.
–80th St & 2nd Ave
Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.
–Washington Square Park
Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."
–86th St Subway Station
Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?
–Bed Bath & Beyond
Overheard by: Melissa
Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.
–50th & 9th
Woman #1: Have fun tonight! You must be so excited about your fresh direct order.
Woman #2: I am. I love it when cheese just comes to me!
–49th St & Broadway
Teenage boy: Hey, didn't we buy the US for, like, seven dollars?
Teenage girl: No, we actually fought something called the Revolutionary War to get the US.
Teenage boy: Are you sure? I swear we bought the US for seven dollars!
–Horace Mann School
