Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Need an F-Bomb Shelter

Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Station

Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Ferry Terminal

Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!

–G Train

Overheard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"

–Met Life Building

Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!

–F Train

Overheard by: BLAH

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

…Well That's False Advertising.

Lady looking at cellphone: Oh, it has free nationwide service. That means I can call anywhere in the world for free?
Boyfriend: No. Just in the nation.
Lady: Oh.

–Sprint Store, 42 & 6th

Just Like Every Stripper

Construction worker #1: You gonna climb that pole?
Construction worker #2: Yeah, you wanna know why?
Construction worker #1: Why?
Construction worker #2: Because I have penis and a set of testicles!

–State & 13th St

With the Possible Exception Of an Oprah-Kirstie Alley Sandwich

20-something guy #1: So would you fuck Oprah?
20-something guy #2: What? No. Why?
20-something guy #1: Well, I thought you might. Cause you like black chicks, right? And you like fat chicks…I thought you'd be down for a fat black chick.
20-something guy #2: Hell no. You gotta keep the fat ones white.

–C Train

Overheard by: So make sure to wash them with bleach.

Why White Guys Become Rappers: Explained

Male NYU undergrad #1: Man, you know…some guys, they have a 40 in one hand and a chick's breast in the other.
Male NYU undergrad #2: Oh, man, that's the life.
Male NYU undergrad #1: Yeah, I gotta figure out how to do it.

–Washington Place & Mercer

That's What You Said About the Personified M&Ms on TV!

Jersey man, describing doughnuts to his daughter: And this one has so much chocolate…so much chocolate it will turn your skin brown!
Brown-skinned employee: Um, that's not true.
Jersey man: Look at this guy! He used to be Swedish!

–The Doughnut Plant

On the Other Hand, So Does Gene Simmons.

Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!

–Washington Square Park

Like, Have You Tried Putting a Bag Over His Head?

Salesgirl #1: Why are you going to an ugly boy's party?
Salesgirl #2: Because I'm cool with his friends.
Salesgirl #1: Doesn't he know he's ugly?

–Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Kaitlen

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