Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Posted on December 24, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Sisters, Sports, Theater, Theater & Dance, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

And Has Better Legs Than I Do!

Woman: Is angel a boy or a girl?
Teenager: Angel's a boy, mom.
Woman: But he sounds like a girl!

–Nederlander Theatre

Posted on November 30, 2008
Gender issues, Questions, Teens, Theater, Women

So Could You Mop the Amniotic Fluid Off the Floor or What?

Managerial-looking guy in suit in lobby of movie theater: So let me get this straight. Your pregnant wife left in the middle of the movie, but you're still here.
Husband: Yeah, but I gave her cab fare.

–84th & Broadway

Posted on November 30, 2008
Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Suits, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Safety Net

Teen girl on cell: What?! His name was "food stamps?"

–Outside W 4th St Train Station

Woman waiting in line for a free iced coffee at Dunkin' Donuts: Daaaayum… It's crowded in here, like at the welfare office!

–Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Matt

Thug (seeing the line for Dark Knight: Yo, this is longer than the welfare line!

–42nd St AMC Theaters

Overheard by: Angel

Drunk hobo in seriously bright yellow jump suit: Will you marry me? I got food stamps.

–Broadway, Astoria

Guy on cell: What? Yeahhh, her momma's been on welfare so long her food stamps bounced.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: nycpuhlease

20-year-old girl on cell: Yeah, I got the dress, it was like $100. I tried on matching pumas and I'm gonna go back to get those tomorrow. Hold on, I have another call.
(pause) Hello? Let me call you back, I'm on my way to pick up my welfare check.

–M2 Bus

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Lower Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Thugs, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Don't Make Me Go All Forte on Your Ass

Snobby woman to teenage girls talking: Decrescendo, girls. Do you know what that means? It's an operatic term for “lower your voices.”
Teenage girl: Actually, “decrescendo” is a musical term for “get softer,” and when you say get lower, you're actually referring to pitch, not volume.

–Metropolitan Opera Lobby

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on November 15, 2008
Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?

–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

—Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.

–89th & 4th, Brooklyn

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Instruments, Kids, Latinos, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Great–Just Ask Them

Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!

–1st Ave & 2nd St

Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"

–Downtown E Train

Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.

–Loews Theater, 34th St

Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!

–PATH Train

Overheard by: tb

Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.

–West Village

Overheard by: Max

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Business and Commerce, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girlfriends, Guys, Happiness, Idiots, Internet, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Stupidity, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Reader Poll: What's Going on Here?

Girl #1: Wow, you must be in so much pain.
Girl #2: Not really, I'll just be really embarrassed when I have to change my pants.

–Minskoff Theatre

Overheard by: FerretMan

Posted on October 19, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sensory Experiences, Theater, Weirdness

Does It Burn When You Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl playing extreme edition of Would You Rather:Okay: would you rather Joe with a 75% chance of a non-treatable STD or Luke with a 12% chance of pregnancy?

–R Train

Asian girl during Rent intermission: Oh wait, so they all have AIDS? Is that why they're all taking pills all the time? I didn't understand that. But you can't die from AIDS, right? I mean, if you like lived in a bubble forever, you would never die from it, right?

–Nederlander Theater

Man, emphatically: Look, you don't even have to worry about HIV, just take 200 milligrams of Vitamin C.

–89th & Broadway

Hipster girl: Me and my STDs are like Angelina Jolie's kids… Gotta get one from every country!

–Broome St

Overheard by: Kate

Hipster to friend: Thank god AIDS wasn't in Africa yet when I was there, I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

–Classroom, NYU

Young woman on cell: Yeah, I know. (pause) So you don't mind if I have herpes, right?

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Posted on October 15, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, Lower Manhattan, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sex, STDs, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

I'm Going Into Anaphilcollins Shock

Tourist exiting theater (singing): You'll beeee in my heaaaart…
NYC native, hurrying through crowd: Death!

–Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on October 10, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Comebacks, Death, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Singing, Theater, Tourists, Weirdness, Words