Teen girl: What would you do if I ever did that?
Boyfriend: I’d bite your clit off.
–Virgin megastore
Overheard by: angie
Teen girl: What would you do if I ever did that?
Boyfriend: I’d bite your clit off.
–Virgin megastore
Overheard by: angie
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
Strange old man to girl : Would you ever wear your hair like that? (points to a girl with afro)
Girl: Um…no.
Man, getting off train: Good. Have a nice weekend.
Girl: You too.
Man: And don't wear your hear like that. Or your daddy might have to whip out his belt.
–E Train
Overheard by: Jessie
FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance
Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Moy
(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.
–E Train
Overheard by: Sleepy
Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!
–B54 Bus
Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.
–Gramercy Park
Hipster guy: He wants to write a book about how hipsters are all about being nihilistic and getting lung cancer from oral sex.
–Hop Scotch, Ave A
Hipster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my identity. I’m a film director, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a carpenter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make buildings… You can’t just choose to be a carpenter.
–Pepe Rosso’s, Sullivan St
Asian hipster chick: You know, when you ask someone what they’re doing and they say clearing their head? I don’t think you can really do that because when you say you’re clearing your head you are really thinking about clearing your head so it isn’t clear after all.
–A Train
Overheard by: kate
Über-hipster chick to another: Bitch! Brunch tomorrow or I’ll fucking smack that headband right off you!
–8th & Bedford, Brooklyn
Hipster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??!
–Hookah Bar, East Village
Overheard by: Marisa
Hipster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want anarchists at the socialist barbecue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin?
–125th St
Overheard by: Ali
Woman #1: Well, maybe it’ll be better next time.
Woman #2: No, there ain’t gonna be a next time, because if there is a next time, I’m gonna kick you in the head!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: Duncan
Mom, to little girl: Don’t you ever say ‘bitch’ again, or I will knock all of your teeth out!
–6 train
Boy doing Chinese worksheet: This is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Girl doing Chinese worksheet: Oh my god, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Another boy doing Chinese worksheet: Dude, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
Girl at front of room: The next person to make that joke gets a pickaxe through the brain.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Young mother: You keep stepping on my flats! Ugh, I'm gonna kill you!
Teen girl: No you're not. If you didn't have me, you'd be a nun.
–Starbucks, 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: CreativeBunny
Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.
–Court St
Overheard by: Big Larry
