Wednesday Slowly Dropped Her One-Liners to the Floor

Tattooed guy on cell: I want a human pyramid. I want a naked human pyramid.

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Young lady: Yes, but it's not like I go riding around the city naked on a horse…

–57th St

Dude on cell: Shut up! I will sit on your face… without drawers.

–14th & 6th

Young thug to friend: She said she went up in there, and everybody in the crib was naked, everybody. Buck-ass naked.

–Nostrand Ave, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: rick

Three-year-old boy, looking at unclothed figures at African people exhibit: Daddy? Did they take off their diapers?

–American Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Freaked the kid out after laughing at his commment

Posted on October 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, The Village, Threats, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And You Thought German Discipline Was Tough.

Stereotypical jock, loudly: Man, I cant wait till we're back on dry land!
Scottish flight attendant: I can end that wait if you don't lower your voice.

–Flight Departing JFK

Posted on September 28, 2010
Airports, Flight Attendants, JFK Airport, Jocks, Public Transportation, Threats

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?

–Central Park

Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.

–46th St & Madison Ave

Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren't true.

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Christianity, Christians, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pop Culture, Questions, Race, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Don't Even Get Her Started on Snookie.

Older woman: I'll go over to the Arab across the street and borrow his machete.
Chubby brunette teenager: Grandma, he's not a Sikh… And he's not Arab. He's Bangladeshi.
Older woman: So they say. Who knows what any of them are?

–Central Park

Posted on September 10, 2010
Central Park, Foreigners, Old People, Parks, Questions, Race, Teens, Threats, Weapons

Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners

College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.

–Clover Club

Overheard by: Emily

Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?

–E 161st St, The Bronx

Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?

–Outside East Village Club

Overheard by: DJ

20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?

–Starbucks

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Stab, Starbucks, The Bronx, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Hear Death Is Very Slimming.

Thin, younger sister: What's with all the magazine ads?
Slightly overweight, older sister: It's thinspiration.
Thin, younger sister: I will kill you.

–Lobby, Hampton Inn

Posted on July 31, 2010
Family Ties, Fat People, Hotels, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Sisters, Threats

And You Look Cute, If I May Say So

Woman #1: Ohmigod.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Ohmigod!
Woman #2: What? What?!
Woman #1: Why am I naked on twitter??!
Woman #2: You can be naked on that thing? Sign me up!
Woman #1: I'm gonna kill that prick!
Woman #2: (laughs)
Woman #1: What's so funny?!
Woman #2: They should call it “twatter.”
Woman #1: Shut up.
Woman #2: Tweets from your twat.
Woman #1: So you're not gonna take this seriously?
Woman #2: … Fodder from twatter.

–Dunkin' Donuts

Posted on July 30, 2010
Internet, Murder, Nudity, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats, Women, Words

Jesus, Art Is Long

Woman: Excuse me. What is the play's running time?
Man: Nine hours. And if you leave, Susan Sontag will rise from the dead and smack you down.

–Tribeca

Posted on July 26, 2010
Death, Men, Theater & Dance, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

Posted on July 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Gripes, Illness, Insults, Kids, Library, Lies, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Students, Suits, Teens, Threats, TV, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End

Posted on July 14, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Families, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Religion, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Threats