Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Posted on January 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, D-List, Fashion, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Language Barrier, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Queers, Terrorism, Topics, Tourists, Trannies, TV, Women

Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!

–Uptown 1 Train

Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.

–Mott St

Overheard by: robin

Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.

–Thompson Street, SoHo

Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.

–Near Herald Square

Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on January 1, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Classroom, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fashion, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jews, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, S&M, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…Especially for the Celibate.

Young Woman: The thing I like about New York is that going out doesn’t have to involve drinking.

–Williamsburg Cafe

Posted on December 22, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, One-liners, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Tourists, Women

“Do you hail the horse or the driver?”

Tourist woman #1: Where is 5th Avenue?
Tourist woman #2: Oh, we won’t get there until we actually get a cab to New York.

–94th & Lexington

Overheard by: Joe Frankie

Posted on December 18, 2015
Directions, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourists, Upper East Side

Portrait of the Realtor as a Young Girl

Westchester girl: Remember, we are not from upstate. We are from thirty minutes outside of the city!

–8th St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Jim G

Posted on December 15, 2015
One-liners, The Village, Tourists, U.S. Geography

Did She Just Use “Thank You” Non-Ironically?

Tourist, to man handing out fliers: Thank you very much but I don’t need one.
Passerby: Tourists are fucking weird.

–Grand Central

Posted on November 27, 2015
Etiquette, Grand Central, Insults, Strangers, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been So Secularized

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street is next, 59th Street. Everyone have a pleasant day. And a friendly reminder: only 10 shopping days left until Christmas! Be festive, but don’t spend your money all at once! Ho, ho, ho! Always remember the three gift-giving rules of Christmas. They’re as easy as A, B, C. A: Make a list of everyone you want to buy a gift for. B: Ask them what they want for Christmas. C: Tell them, ‘Give me the money and I’ll buy it for you!’ 59th Street.

–A train

Overheard by: d, cover your groin

Woman selling adult books entitled Extra-Marital Affair: Get your books here! Make great Christmas presents for your loved ones!

–Penn Station, 34th St entrance

Overheard by: Bewildered

Chick dog-walker on cell: I am not doing A Christmas Carol at the Mississippi Shakespeare Festival!

–Payson Ave & Beak St

Conductor: Listen up, people! I can’t stress this enough: you only have two hands. If a third one is in your pocket, make some noise! I’m sure other passengers will help you out. You don’t want anyone having a merry Christmas on your hard work. [Long pause, then singing] Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! [Another pause] There are only six shopping days left. Ho, ho, ho!

–A train

Overheard by: he brightened my day

Tourist watching erection of Rockefeller Christmas tree: What’s the big tree for?

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: B.W. McAdams

Posted on November 18, 2015
Conductors, Holidays, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Shopping, Stupidity, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own?

–1 Train

Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: j

Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant)

–Times Square

Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here!

–Times Square

Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger.

–Bleecker Street

Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now.

–Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones

Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen

Posted on November 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fat People, Food, Midwesterners, Moms, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

If That's the Weirdest Thing You See in This Town, It's Been a Dull Day.

Tourist boy, seeing group of bagpipers practicing in the rain: What are they doing?
Grandmother: They're playing bagpipes.
Tourist boy: At a time like this?

–Central Park Mall

Overheard by: ReRo

Posted on October 20, 2015
Central Park, Families, Malls, Music, Old People, Tourists, Weather