The Wednesday One-Liner That Never Sleeps

20-something girl to friend: I'm sorry, but what is the big fucking deal with eating on the sidewalk? Back courtyard? Sure. Rooftop? Fuck, yeah! But the fucking sidewalk? Homeless people up in my face. Loud trucks up in my ears. Carcinogens up in my lungs. I mean… really? New Yorkers are all fucked up.

–2nd Ave b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Dodd Loomis

Ditzy blond tourist: New York is the most foreign place in America I've ever been to!

–F Train

Overheard by: Chelsea S.

Indian guy on phone: I don't wanna be like the Bengali fob! I'm gonna show up and be like the original New York gangsta!

–B61 Bus

Bar customer to table next to him: I need to visit New York, everyone that visits is always happy. Everyone that lives here in New York is always miserable.

–Chambers St

Little boy, with great excitement: I just tripped in New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Desi, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Happiness, Homeless, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Physical appearance, Strangers, Street, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

What You Get for Being Seven Feet Tall

Tourist: Excuse me, but could you please tell me the time?
New Yorker: What do I look like? Big fuckin' Ben or somethin'?

–Broadway

Posted on July 31, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Time, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Duane Reade, Fast Times at New York High, Guys, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Knock-Offs, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourists, Train Station, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Yes, It Was the Most Recent Antarctic Expedition, And…

Tourist mom to son: Hold on tight to the pole.
Tourist dad: Hey Stephen*, when I met your mom she was on a pole.
Tourist mom: Stop that!

–Uptown R train

Overheard by: burst out laughing

Posted on July 27, 2015
Nostalgia, On the Subway, Parents, Tourists

Wow! It’s like New York City out here!

Cali boy #1: Duuude, it’s like Grand fuckin’ Central in here, man.
Cali boy #2: Yeah, it’s hella crazy. Let’s get outta here.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on July 27, 2015
Grand Central, Guys, Stupidity, Tourists

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.

–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Deeds

Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?

–Outside New York Stock Exchange

Overheard by: Kyle

50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.

–34th & 7th

Posted on July 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Couples, Directions, Fat People, Food, Insults, Money & Class, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

God Help Him If He Shows Up There in a Codpiece and Plumed Hat

Female tourist: I don’t want to go to Harlem.
Male tourist: I do! They had a renaissance!

–Green Line

Overheard by: Linds

Posted on July 21, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Men, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Tourism, Tourists, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

More Like a Muslim Thing

Tourist girl #1: What’s with all the Jewish people here? Is it a Jewish holiday or something?
Tourist girl #2: Maybe it’s a Mormon thing.

–Ground Zero

Posted on July 14, 2015
Christianity, Girls, Ground Zero, Idiots, Judaism, Stupidity, Tourists

These ‘Movies’ of Which You Speak– What Do We Know of Them?

Tourist guy: What is that again?
Tourist woman: I believe it is some kind of movie theater.

–Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Trish

Posted on July 11, 2015
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Theater & Dance, Tourists

Oh Look, That Guy's Taking a Dump!

Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here…
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf… Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i love new york.

Posted on July 11, 2015
Homeless, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Only in New York, Pee, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vomit, Weirdness

Tourists