Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.

–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Deeds

Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?

–Outside New York Stock Exchange

Overheard by: Kyle

50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.

–34th & 7th

Posted on July 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Couples, Directions, Fat People, Food, Insults, Money & Class, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Southerners, Stupidity, The Met, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

God Help Him If He Shows Up There in a Codpiece and Plumed Hat

Female tourist: I don’t want to go to Harlem.
Male tourist: I do! They had a renaissance!

–Green Line

Overheard by: Linds

Posted on July 21, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Men, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Tourism, Tourists, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

More Like a Muslim Thing

Tourist girl #1: What’s with all the Jewish people here? Is it a Jewish holiday or something?
Tourist girl #2: Maybe it’s a Mormon thing.

–Ground Zero

Posted on July 14, 2015
Christianity, Girls, Ground Zero, Idiots, Judaism, Stupidity, Tourists

These ‘Movies’ of Which You Speak– What Do We Know of Them?

Tourist guy: What is that again?
Tourist woman: I believe it is some kind of movie theater.

–Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Trish

Posted on July 11, 2015
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Theater & Dance, Tourists

Oh Look, That Guy's Taking a Dump!

Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here…
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf… Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i love new york.

Posted on July 11, 2015
Homeless, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Only in New York, Pee, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vomit, Weirdness

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

New Yorkers Travel in Different Circles

Overweight bearded tourist: I bet they don't have any Nascar fans in this city!
Overweight moustached tourist: I haven't seen a single one!

–4 Train

Posted on July 9, 2015
Fat People, On the Subway, Sports, Tourism, Tourists

The Wednesday One-liners Method Acting Method

Matt Dillon: This theatre has awful feng shui.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

Posted on July 8, 2015
Asians, Bars & Clubs, Celebrities Overheard, Manhattan, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, People, Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Williamsburg

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Posted on July 5, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Couples, Creepsters, EMTs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, West Village

She’s More of a “Lilith,” Don’t You Think?

Out-of-town poser #1 looking at Condoleezza Rice painting: Look, they painted Satan!
Out-of-town poser #2: Shhh! Someone’ll hear you!
Out-of-town poser #1: Pshaw. I don’t have to be quiet in New York City. Everyone agrees with me.

–MoMA

Posted on July 4, 2015
MoMA, NYC Geography, Politics, Satan, Talking/Convos, Tourists, Visual Art

Tourists