Looks Like We’re in for a Bad Spell of Wednesday One-Liners

Little girl: Mommy, it’s snowing in my eyes!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Elderly Hispanic woman wading through snow: Skoosh! Shoosh! Skoosh! Wee! Skoosh!

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Bus conductor in droning, somber voice: Ladies and gentlemen, due to inclement weather, the express trains are temporarily discontinued. [Suddenly sounding bright and chipper.] In other words, it’s cold outside, folks! So if you think you can just wait for the local, you wrong! So all y’all just get out the way o’ my doors and let’s go!

–4 Train

Drunk blonde: Omigod, is it like raining? There’s like water falling from the sky outside.

–LIRR

Girl on cell, on first nice day of spring: This weather just makes me want to drink…I have been sitting outside for ten minutes and all of a sudden I can’t get booze off my mind.

–72nd & Columbus

Pilot: Welcome on board flight number [mumble]… We have a 45 minute flight to Ithaca, New York, where the weather is [dramatic pause] fucking awful! Why you guys going there?

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Etiquette, Girls, Gripes, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Pilots, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women, Words

…Not at That Woman’s Boobs

Tourist mom, talking extremely loud: Nature means happiness.
Five-year-old son: Why?
Tourist mom: Because nature means life -look at how beautiful nature is.
Five-year-old son: Whoa! Now that’s nature.
Tourist mom: The trees are nice; the road not so much… Look at the sea of trains…

–LIRR

Overheard by: JUSTSHUT UP!

Posted on May 25, 2008
Animals & Nature, Beauty, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Philosophy, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Will Kick Your Ass at Beer Pong

Frat boy on cell: Next time this happens, just grab him by the penis and drag him into bed.

–Grand Central

Frat boy: I mean, STDs are nothing to worry about. There are more Pokemon than there are STDs!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Pikachu

Enthusiastic frat boy: Sure, sure, but back in history when there were no diseases…

–57th Street & 8th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Frat boy on cell: If I were him, I’d tell her to get her boobs put in too, as long as she’s already under.

–Mercer & 8th

Incensed frat-type dude on cell: Dude! I didn’t fingerbang your sister in Tijuana! I’m not a snake like that. I fingerbanged her in Cancun, so it was on American soil… And you were in the next bed. Tell me you don’t remember any of this?!

–NR Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Global Geography, Grand Central, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Sex, Sexuality, STDs, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV

Youth Is Wasted On The Wednesday One-Liner

Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!

–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.

–LIRR

High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]

–#1 Train

Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.

–42nd St

Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.

–Q train, to 57th st

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.

–Union Square

Overheard by: UCB

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Why Did the Wednesday One-Liners Cross the Road?

Running jaywalker: The worst car to get hit by is a Mini Cooper!

–University & 10th St

Overheard by: Knows trucks that beg to differ

Old man crossing the street, on cell: I’m crossing the fucking street!

–42nd & Broadway

Guy wearing yarmulke, to friend: Hey, watch out! Just because you’re Jewish doesn’t mean cars won’t run you over.

–Columbus Circle

Tourist suit to other suit: New Yorkers are so rude. Just wait till you see how they all cross the street at red lights!

–Metro North Train to Grand Central

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Cop on loudspeaker, to Asian bimbo tourist trying to walk down the middle of Canal St: Sidewalks are open to the public. Please use them.

–Canal Street

Overheard by: F Tourists

[Two cops are waiting at the light. A woman jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car.]
Male cop: Phew! That would have been a lot of paper work.

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Aimee

Posted on April 30, 2008
Accidents, Advice, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Coworkers, Etiquette, Friends, Gripes, Jews, Jobs & Careers, Judaism, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Only in New York, Suits, The Village, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

That’s What You Said about the Bratz Movie

Guy: So I watched The Godfather last night.
Girl: Was it good?
Guy: It was awesome! It was like a better Grand Theft Auto.

–Metro North

Posted on April 28, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Now New York Is Laughing

Guy #1: Man, do you think *Jane is hot?
Guy #2: I mean she’s smart, but I wouldn’t say she’s hot. Why do you think she’s into you?
Guy #1: Well, I think that she thinks I’m arrogant, but I’m not. It just comes off that way because I’m really insecure, my confidence is all fake.
Guy #3: Hey, I think that girl is listening to us… And she’s laughing.
Guy #1: Anyway… Can we please talk about my insecurities for a while, we never talk about me.

–Metro North

Overheard by: texting her friend the whole convo

Posted on April 25, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Fakes, Friendship, Guys, Laughter, Offers and requests, Psychology, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Don’t Let a Little Thing Like a Manslaughter Conviction Stand in Your Way

Girl #1: I don’t know, I don’t really know him that well.
Girl #2: All I’m saying is: he’s pretty good-looking and he wants to have sex with you, so just let him already.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Eric

Posted on April 25, 2008
Advice, Beauty, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Long Island, Sex, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are No Longer Considered a Planet

Girl, to boyfriend: And that’s why you can never trust the emotions or actions of someone whose star sign is ruled by mars.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: ALR

Barista to waiter: I don’t mind that I spent $130 on a pair of Oakleys cause I can look at the sun for a while and it won’t hurt my eyes.

–Long Island Railroad

Overheard by: Chris K.

Baby boomer hippie to college student: Dude, I just got me some of that Afghani shit. Took me to the mooooooon and back, baby!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Summer

Doonesbury looking dude: Imagine what life would be like without the sun.

–40th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ledbetter

Girl, being shaken awake by friend: But Rachel, where are you going to put the black hole?

–A Train

Bum on street, to several protesters passing by in pure white bio-hazard suits: Aw… You people wait right there, I’m a run and get some cigarettes then I’m comin’ to the moon with ya’ll. Seriously… Wait.

–45 & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Comack

Posted on April 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astronomy, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Homeless, Long Island, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping, Street, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Weed, Words

They Were a Little Down Around the Holidays, But Isn’t Everyone?

Conductor #1 on intercom: My pants are down. Are your pants down?
Conductor #2: No, my pants are good.

–Metro North

Overheard by: jessie

Posted on April 17, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Coworkers, Etiquette, Nudity, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Trains Not Subway