Wednesday One-liners

Russian lady: She loves to travel. Like some people alcoholics? She
loves to travel.

–Funayama, Greenwich Avenue

Guy on cell: Hey Maria? It’s John…from Biology…Oh, you can’t talk? OK. I love you. Bye.

–Washington Square Park

Euro chick: No silly, American football is like a girly version of rugby, they have rules and pads.

–66th & Lexington

Man: Look at all these little bananas! I don’t want none a these. These little bananas are for ladies.

–28th & Park fruit stand

Woman: You think that the players look at their butts in the mirror to see what we see?

–Yankee Stadium bleachers

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Posted on May 14, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Foreigners, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sports, The Village, Travel, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Yankee Stadium

Today, Ugliness is the #1 Reason to Die

Professor guy: What was the number one cause of death for pioneer women in the 1800s?
Chick: Beauty.

–Touro College Women’s Division, Lexington Avenue

Posted on April 29, 2018
College, Death, Fashion, History & Geography, Manhattan, Stupidity, Suits, Upper East Side

I Save That Kind Of Talk for Our Appointments with Mistress Stephanie

[A couple are looking in the mirror.]Man: Why don’t you ever say anything when my glasses are all wonky?
Woman: Say anything?
Man: Yeah, like you wonky cunt.

–Bloomingdale’s, 3rd Ave

Posted on April 28, 2018
Default, Fashion, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Upper East Side, Women

Conversing with My Personal Sensei

Bookstore girl to six-year-old in suit: Hey little boy, are you lost? Where is your nanny?
Six-year-old: I don't know, but I see my driver outside!

–Bookstore, Upper East Side

Overheard by: AlphaNYC

Posted on April 21, 2018
Clerks, Kids, Money & Class, Questions, Rich people, Store, Upper East Side

Should’ve Kept a Lock on Those Adoption Records, Mommy

Lady pushing stroller, after Puerto Rican Day parade: No, you are not Puerto Rican.
Four-year-old daughter, with flag painted on her face: Yes, I am!

–71st & 2nd

Overheard by: Yann

Posted on April 14, 2018
Kids, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Race, Upper East Side

It’s Been Good Not Talking to You

Guy: You know it was just like…
Girl: Yeah…

–88th & 2nd

Posted on April 6, 2018
Idiots, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side

Dirty, Sexy Wednesday One-Liners

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yammering away on cell: Is it totally acceptable to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Anna Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a giant I'd fuck the Statue of Liberty!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Henry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast infection, I'm gonna bang the shit out of him.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: Keep It Movin'

Black guy on cell: Penetration?! Penetration?! It ain't about penetration, it's all about sensation.

–E 4th St

Overheard by: girl named sugar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while making out against a car: Let's just go with it…let's just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Girl to the guy at the next table: Haven't I slept with you before?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ashlee

Posted on March 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, Black People, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Starbucks, Statue of Liberty, STDs, Strangers, Street, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Are You Discriminating Against It Based on Color?

5-year-old wasp boy, watching black Ferrari: Wow! (points)
Wasp father: You will never have one of those. That's a trashy car.

–Madison Ave & 70th

Overheard by: Alex and Allyson

Posted on March 4, 2018
Cars and Driving, Colors, Dads, Kids, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington