Medsday One-Liners

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!

–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paper

Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center

Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.

–Kings County Emergency Room

Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!

–Nassau St & Ann St

Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on September 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Death, Directions, Doctors, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Medicine, Nurses, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are in a Transitional Phase

Conductor (after a few minutes waiting at signal): One of those trains better hurry it up and move it, I have better things to do.

–N Train

Conductor: Across the platform is an express 3 train. The doors are open, you can make it. Go for it! Go! Catch that train! (after a few stops) There is an express 2 train across the platform. You will make it. You will not miss it. You will make it.

–1 Train

Overheard by: motivated

Cheerful conductor: Welcome to the station formerly known as Prince!

–R Train

Conductor: We are now arriving at Grand Central. This is our final stop. We're six minutes early, so now you can't say anything bad about us.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Angela

Conductor: That is a 1 train and all trains are running express. Another local won't run til 5 am Monday. You can wait but we don't serve dinner or breakfast, and I'm all out of sleeping bags.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Steve

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the train's emergency brakes have been activated for some reason. The train operator is going to walk around the train and check if there's a…body, or something, under the train. After that, we'll be able to move!

–C Train

Overheard by: Patient Passenger

Train conductor: Last call for the 10:00 local…last call! Get on the train cause away we go, and it's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…blastoff!

–Metro North

Overheard by: to mount kisco, and BEYOND!

Posted on September 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Death, Directions, Food, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.

–G Train

Posted on August 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

“What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)”

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!

Posted on August 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Fat People, Food, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Queens, Street, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Gay Wednesday One-liners

Special Collections Librarian: We have over 1,000 queer porn novels.

–Fales Library, NYU

Queer hipster on cell: Hey size nine, it’s size zero. Call me back when you get this.

–Williamsburg, Bedford Ave

Posted on August 4, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gays and Lesbians, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Up the Wazoo

Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.

–23rd & Lexington

Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!

–28th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Jar Aaron

20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.

–Herkimer St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: M. Fresh

Posted on August 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Boys, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Food, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Teens, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Spend Most of Their Time Fundraising

Man to guy trying to avoid him: Because, you see — all Republicans are Nazis. I don’t know why no one else can tell.

–67th & Broadway

Overheard by: kendra

Thug to another: Damn, nigga! That’s why the Democrats ain’t going to win the motherfuckin’ White House in 2008!

–Union Square

Overheard by: guy who’s not sure if it’s racist or not

Righteous girl: I am glad I slept with him before I found out he was a Republican.

–6 train, Uptown

Overheard by: Susan

Rollerblading twelve-year-old to friend: Sean Hannity is such a douche!

–44th and 8th

Anti-Bush crazy at anti-war stand on the street: There’s an idiot in the White House! There’s an idiot in the White House! …. Actually, he’s a monkey — we got the DNA results back!

–Outside of the Met

Man on cell: Well, they killed 3,000 people! …Nooo, not the Arabs, the Conservatives — the New York Conservatives!

–181 St & Ft. Washington, Starbucks

Overheard by: One of the teachers

Hobo: I hope I never run for office, because you people aren’t the first group I’ve said fucked-up shit to.

–F Train

Posted on August 1, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Politics, Republicans, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

Posted on July 26, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Norman Rockwell’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Well, it would be really nice if I could sleep with your sister.

–Washington Sq South

White girl: Well, if I’m so white, why do I have an uncle named Juan?!

–Hunter College

Scandinavian-looking girl: My mama has brothers who were Nazis. That’s why we don’t talk to them anymore. Oh, and because they’re dead, too.

–Bloomingdales

Girl crying and pleading with bouncer after he took her fake ID: But I need that back! It’s my sister’s, and she’s dead!

–Union Bar, Park Ave South

Overheard by: BOB Sled

Loud black chick on cell: Yo, mom, I’m gonna fuck your daughter up!

–H&M, Herald Square

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I told her if she don’t sign it, I’m gonna dig Daddy up and set him on her porch.

–18th & Park

Overheard by: Tony Jones

Woman on cell: Do we have a conscious grandmother or an unconscious grandmother? … Oh, goood!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: white_on_white

Posted on July 20, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Family Ties, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates.

A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ramble

Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February.

–MoMA roof

Overheard by: Michael Bracy

Posted on July 17, 2020
Arts & Letters, Directions, Fashion, NYC Geography, Only in New York, Questions, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary